Diet Documentary Day 17 + 18 + Pics

Day 3

Day 17

Day 17 

Day 17
Breakfast
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0

3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4C Part-Skim Mozzarella 80
1/2 Orange Pepper 10
3 Mushrooms 15
1 tsp Olive Oil 40

235 Cal
14g Fat
25g Protein

Lunch
3/4C Fat Free Greek Yogurt 100
1/2C Strawberries 50
1/2C Almond Milk 20
1 Banana 100

270 Cal
2g Fat
17g Protein

Snack
Grapefruit 50

Total
550 Cal
16g Fat
42g Protein

I brought a salad with me to J's thinking I could just have that for dinner, but we ended up getting into an intense conversation and I just got so worked up there was no way I could eat. He feels like he's pressuring me to take on too much with this new job, because he's 26 and has started his career. And it's true, that at times I do feel I put pressure on myself to 'keep up' with him, but in no way do I feel any pressure coming from him. If anyone is pressuring me it's my grandfather. This all came about, right as we were about to have sex, and then he just seemed to lose interest and when I asked what was wrong he just kept saying nothing (because he's more stubborn and I am, if possible) until finally coming out with it. Needless to say, my mind is going CRAZY, and Ana gets in my head telling me that he thinks I'm fat, and isn't attracted to me anymore, he's bored, he doesn't love me, he's tired of having a fat girlfriend and just doesn't know how to say it. I might have made a mistake by telling him that my mind was going crazy, and that it makes me never want to take my clothes off again... He didn't quite understand at first and I repeated, 'I told you, you don't know what was going through my mind at that point'. He felt pretty guilty, and at the time didn't pay it much attention, because to him I suppose it's ridiculous but I started to cry a bit and at that point it was for a million reasons. He just held me and kept telling me he loved me. He's so good like that. Today he picked me up and put me on his shoulders and walked to his bedroom and threw me on the bed and told me how light I was. It made me happy for a split second, but because I essentially told him I was feeling insecure, and he knows I've been trying to 'get in shape for our vacation' I can't take that comment at face value so it just doesn't count.

Day 18
Breakfast
Green Tea 0

1/4C Steel Cut Oats 150
1/4C Blueberries 20
(my portions weren't measure so I will over estimate)

200 Cal
2g Fat
10g Protein

Lunch + Dinner 
(1/2 + 1/2)

2C Spinach 0

1/4C Cucumber 0

1/4C Corn 35

1/2C Black Beans 130

1/2 Avocado 100

1/2 Orange Pepper 10

8 Cherry Tomatoes 40

3Tbl Fat Free Italian Dressing 15

350 Cal

3g Fat

15g Protein

Snack

1/4 Cantaloupe 50

Grapefruit 50

Total

650 Cal

5g Fat

25g Protein

I'm already starting to feel burnt out and put under pressure with work, and just not having time to myself like I used to. Being in public is exhausting. But the more tired I am, and the more work I am doing and the busier I keep myself, the more calories I burn, the less I eat, and the smaller I become. Tomorrows going to be another hard one, the Monday Binge is after me. I'll kick his ass though, best offensive measure: excercise. Hoping I'll have enough energy after work for a quick hop on the elliptical!

love always,
xoxo