Yeah, just a little bit of wine...right. Last night was a crazy blur but I loved every minute of it. It was so good to see Giacomo and reminisce about everything in Italy, and hear about how everyone is doing. It makes me want to go back too much. We took him to one of our favourite bars in the middle of nowhere and got drunk off of wine and jager shots.
Anyways, you may have noticed todays post is not a diet documentary. Heres why: I'm afraid that over planning and sticking to my routine will cause me to rebel against it, as I would feel trapped and that the control has been taken away from me. So today is a freebie day, and while I absolutely hate using that term, because really there are no such days, I realize that it's necessary. I'm incredibly hungover and while I'm not binging, I am eating when I'm hungry but not paying attention to calories or numbers or anything like that. For that reason, I'm not going to post everything I've consumed today because I'll just end up obsessing about it and I know it will lead to a bad binge. Tomorrow will resume the documentation.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 22
Fuck me, I binged again last night. Purged up virtually everything I ate yesterday (which was only the salad and a grapefruit) and traded it for a lemon blueberry muffin (probably around 400 cal) which was the last thing I ate and didn't purge. I need to get better control. Tonight will be a challenge because I'm going out drinking with my friends. Giacomo will be coming and I'm so excited to see him!! I can't drink a lot because I just realized that I have to work tomorrow from 1-5, which is a bummer. I got a good long sleep last night though and I'm feeling a bit better.
Breakfast
Green Tea 0
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4C Part-Skim Mozzarella80
3 Mushrooms 15
1/2 Pepper 5
1 tsp Olive Oil 40
Spinach Basil 0
220 Cal
14g Fat
25g Protein
Snack
Grapefruit 50
Dinner
2.5C Almond Milk 100
1 Scoop Choco Vega Protein 110
210 Cal
10g Fat
15g Protein
Tonight I'll be going out with all of my girlfriends to one of our favourite bars and Giacomo is going to come with us! I'm really excited to see him, and all my friends who came in from out of town Universities that are home for Easter will be there too! I've got a cute outfit already planned.
I tried on the skirt I wore the night I met J, I remember weighing myself that morning at 124.5, and the skirt fits. My scale tells me I'm 10 pounds heavier because somethings wrong with the digital thingy so that puts me in at 123.6. Thats the lowest I've been in almost a year. I'm so friggin close! I just can't ruin it all tonight with a drunken stoned binge. I already went half a day without eating today, and all day yesterday without eating anything proper so I know my body is going to be weak unless I fuel up today. Plus all of the unnecessary drinking calories.. ugh. I'm going to stick to wine though. It's always just seemed the most natural to me, and the most 'natural' form of drinking, since it's essentially grape juice. I'll consider it work research :)
Breakfast
Green Tea 0
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4C Part-Skim Mozzarella80
3 Mushrooms 15
1/2 Pepper 5
1 tsp Olive Oil 40
Spinach Basil 0
220 Cal
14g Fat
25g Protein
Snack
Grapefruit 50
Dinner
2.5C Almond Milk 100
1 Scoop Choco Vega Protein 110
210 Cal
10g Fat
15g Protein
Tonight I'll be going out with all of my girlfriends to one of our favourite bars and Giacomo is going to come with us! I'm really excited to see him, and all my friends who came in from out of town Universities that are home for Easter will be there too! I've got a cute outfit already planned.
I tried on the skirt I wore the night I met J, I remember weighing myself that morning at 124.5, and the skirt fits. My scale tells me I'm 10 pounds heavier because somethings wrong with the digital thingy so that puts me in at 123.6. Thats the lowest I've been in almost a year. I'm so friggin close! I just can't ruin it all tonight with a drunken stoned binge. I already went half a day without eating today, and all day yesterday without eating anything proper so I know my body is going to be weak unless I fuel up today. Plus all of the unnecessary drinking calories.. ugh. I'm going to stick to wine though. It's always just seemed the most natural to me, and the most 'natural' form of drinking, since it's essentially grape juice. I'll consider it work research :)
Diet Documentary Day 21
Because of all the purging last night, I think my body is rebelling back. I've been treating it fairly well over the last 21 days and it's strong enough to fight me when I mistreat it. Well. I had my green tea w/ lemon this morning as usual, but after I had just one sip of the same green smoothie recipe I had yesterday I starting getting really dizzy and thought I was going to vomit. I threw up so much stomach acid... Anyways I felt awful for the rest of the day, and extremely tired because I need the caffeine from my usual 5 cups of green tea to keep me going all day. I managed to still have a few cups but I skipped breakfast and lunch, as well as yoga. Luckily tomorrow I have off but I am helping prepare Easter dinner because my grand mother hasn't been well for the last year.
Dinner
2C Spinach 0
1 Stalk Celery 0
1/2C Chickpeas 130
1/3 Cucumber 0
3/4C Strawberries 40
1/4C Light Feta 70
1 Orange Pepper 10
1/4 Avocado 50
15 Almonds 100
1 tsp Olive Oil 40
2 Tbl Vinegar 10
Basil, Roasted Garlic 0
450 Cal
18g Fat
29g Protein
Snack
Grapefruit 50
Making today's total 500 flat. I'm going to try and cap myself off there and then plan a well balanced day tomorrow, along with some light cardio on my elliptical. I had to tell J that I had the stomach flu and wouldn't make it to Easter dinner most likely. Because I'm worried my grand father will say something about me not being in school and working at the office all day. And I'm really nervous about J and Mel meeting. Mel is my fathers girlfriend, who is the same age as J: 27. I am turning 22 in June. You do the math.
Dinner
2C Spinach 0
1 Stalk Celery 0
1/2C Chickpeas 130
1/3 Cucumber 0
3/4C Strawberries 40
1/4C Light Feta 70
1 Orange Pepper 10
1/4 Avocado 50
15 Almonds 100
1 tsp Olive Oil 40
2 Tbl Vinegar 10
Basil, Roasted Garlic 0
450 Cal
18g Fat
29g Protein
Snack
Grapefruit 50
Making today's total 500 flat. I'm going to try and cap myself off there and then plan a well balanced day tomorrow, along with some light cardio on my elliptical. I had to tell J that I had the stomach flu and wouldn't make it to Easter dinner most likely. Because I'm worried my grand father will say something about me not being in school and working at the office all day. And I'm really nervous about J and Mel meeting. Mel is my fathers girlfriend, who is the same age as J: 27. I am turning 22 in June. You do the math.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 21
Breakfast
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
1 Banana 100
1C Kale 0
1C Water 0
1 Apple 50
1/2 Lemon Juice 0
1/4C Pineapple 25
175 Cal
1g Fat
3g Protein
Lunch
2C Spinach 0
5 Cherry Tomatoes 25
1/2 Orange Pepper 10
1/4C Chickpeas 70
1/4C Light Feta 70
15 Almonds 100
1 tsp Olive Oil 40
2 Tbl Vinegar 10
255 Cal
20g Fat
25g Protein
Snack
1/2 Cantaloupe 50
Dinner
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4C Part Skim Mozzarella 80
3 Mushrooms 15
1 Tbl Vegetable Broth 0
Basil Spinach 0
185 Cal
7g Fat
25g Protein
Snack
Grapefruit 50
Total
715 Cal
28g Fat
53g Protein
I've been craving my omelettes but the fact is I just don't have enough time in the mornings to make them. Since I have my green tea with lemon before I eat anything every single morning, I'm having to take my breakfast smoothie with me to work. I did want to work out today, but I just didn't have the energy. Work today was particularly exhausting, a lot to learn still. Plus my dad just happened to drop in and stayed for over an hour and I found out that a good friend of mine from Rome flew in today and surprised me! So now I have to carve out time to spend with him as well. For those of you who have been following me since I was in Italy, it is Tommaso's brother!!
I will admit that I did binge tonight... I purged everything though, as well as quite a bit of my omelette... I'm hoping it won't throw off my yoga tomorrow but we'll see.
I have a much sharper waist now, and my ribs are more visible. I just want to carve the fat off of the sides of my body and make everything tight and strong and tiny. The inside of my thighs looks like jelly. Slowly I will carve them like soapstone, etching away at the parts of me I can't stand anymore.
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
1 Banana 100
1C Kale 0
1C Water 0
1 Apple 50
1/2 Lemon Juice 0
1/4C Pineapple 25
175 Cal
1g Fat
3g Protein
Lunch
2C Spinach 0
1 Stalk Celery 0
1 Slice Onion 0
5 Cherry Tomatoes 25
1/2 Orange Pepper 10
1/4C Chickpeas 70
1/4C Light Feta 70
15 Almonds 100
1 tsp Olive Oil 40
2 Tbl Vinegar 10
255 Cal
20g Fat
25g Protein
Snack
1/2 Cantaloupe 50
Dinner
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4C Part Skim Mozzarella 80
3 Mushrooms 15
1 Tbl Vegetable Broth 0
Basil Spinach 0
185 Cal
7g Fat
25g Protein
Snack
Grapefruit 50
Total
715 Cal
28g Fat
53g Protein
I've been craving my omelettes but the fact is I just don't have enough time in the mornings to make them. Since I have my green tea with lemon before I eat anything every single morning, I'm having to take my breakfast smoothie with me to work. I did want to work out today, but I just didn't have the energy. Work today was particularly exhausting, a lot to learn still. Plus my dad just happened to drop in and stayed for over an hour and I found out that a good friend of mine from Rome flew in today and surprised me! So now I have to carve out time to spend with him as well. For those of you who have been following me since I was in Italy, it is Tommaso's brother!!
I will admit that I did binge tonight... I purged everything though, as well as quite a bit of my omelette... I'm hoping it won't throw off my yoga tomorrow but we'll see.
I have a much sharper waist now, and my ribs are more visible. I just want to carve the fat off of the sides of my body and make everything tight and strong and tiny. The inside of my thighs looks like jelly. Slowly I will carve them like soapstone, etching away at the parts of me I can't stand anymore.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 20
Breakfast
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
3/4C Greek Yogurt 100
1/4C Strawberries 25
1/4C Pineapple 25
1 Banana 100
250 Cal
1g Fat
20g Protein
Lunch
2C Spinach 0
2 Slices Onion 0
5 Cherry Tomatoes 25
1/2C Black Beans 130
1/2 Orange Pepper 10
1/4C Corn 35
1/4 Avocado 50
1 tsp Olive Oil 40
2 Tbl Vinegar 10
300 Cal
10g Fat
15g Protein
Snack (pre-yoga)
Grapefruit 50
Vinyassa 1.5 Hours
(-450)
Dinner
1/2C Brown Rice 150
1/2 Floret Broccoli 20
1/4C Corn 35
1/4C Peas 35
1/4C Egg Beaters 30
1 Pkg Edamame 130
4 Mushrooms 20
2 Tbl Red. Sodium Soy Sauce 20
Ground ginger, garlic powder, cayenne 0
440 Cal
6g Fat
16g Protein
Snack
1/2 Cantaloupe 50
Total
1,090 Cal
17g Fat
51g Protein
Net Intake
640 Cal
Holy fuck. Note to self, read my own blog posts. Didn't I just say NOT to go over 1,000 calories?!?! My net intake is 640 which is low and my fat content is below 20g, looking at it most of my calories are coming from fruits and veggies which is good too. It's just that damn number I can't get over. Fuck, fuck fuck. I'm hoping the 4-5+ cups of green tea I've been drinking a day will boost up my metabolism!!
In yoga today I was off balance. Probably because I binged on ice cream last night and purged. I was stumbling on my balance poses which I'm usually quite strong with, being a dancer growing up. So that was frustrating, but there is no one to blame but myself. I need to quit purging.
Work stress is consistently climbing up hill with each day. It's so much responsibility, and there's all this pressure coming at me. My grandfather desperately wanting me to succeed in his foot steps and throwing me in when, in all honesty, I may not have been ready. From my boyfriend, even though he doesn't mean to, I do feel the need to keep up with him, and my competitiveness comes out in wanting to have just as much as he has, and a career is part of that. From myself, to fulfill expectations that I place on me in an urgent attempt not to disappoint those around me, stemming from my paranoia that everyone is watching me and waiting for me to screw up. Which I am trying to work on turning into ambition and motivation. I try and look at the pressure that I feel because of my boyfriend, as a sign from the universe to light my ass on fire a bit and get me moving in the right direction, to challenge myself and push beyond my limitations. I am invested in this, not only because I am good at it, but I really do enjoy the work. The fact that all of it will be mine one day is what drives me.
love always,
loveylou
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
3/4C Greek Yogurt 100
1/4C Strawberries 25
1/4C Pineapple 25
1 Banana 100
250 Cal
1g Fat
20g Protein
Lunch
2C Spinach 0
2 Slices Onion 0
5 Cherry Tomatoes 25
1/2C Black Beans 130
1/2 Orange Pepper 10
1/4C Corn 35
1/4 Avocado 50
1 tsp Olive Oil 40
2 Tbl Vinegar 10
300 Cal
10g Fat
15g Protein
Snack (pre-yoga)
Grapefruit 50
Vinyassa 1.5 Hours
(-450)
Dinner
1/2C Brown Rice 150
1/2 Floret Broccoli 20
1/4C Corn 35
1/4C Peas 35
1/4C Egg Beaters 30
1 Pkg Edamame 130
4 Mushrooms 20
2 Tbl Red. Sodium Soy Sauce 20
Ground ginger, garlic powder, cayenne 0
440 Cal
6g Fat
16g Protein
Snack
1/2 Cantaloupe 50
Total
1,090 Cal
17g Fat
51g Protein
Net Intake
640 Cal
Holy fuck. Note to self, read my own blog posts. Didn't I just say NOT to go over 1,000 calories?!?! My net intake is 640 which is low and my fat content is below 20g, looking at it most of my calories are coming from fruits and veggies which is good too. It's just that damn number I can't get over. Fuck, fuck fuck. I'm hoping the 4-5+ cups of green tea I've been drinking a day will boost up my metabolism!!
In yoga today I was off balance. Probably because I binged on ice cream last night and purged. I was stumbling on my balance poses which I'm usually quite strong with, being a dancer growing up. So that was frustrating, but there is no one to blame but myself. I need to quit purging.
Work stress is consistently climbing up hill with each day. It's so much responsibility, and there's all this pressure coming at me. My grandfather desperately wanting me to succeed in his foot steps and throwing me in when, in all honesty, I may not have been ready. From my boyfriend, even though he doesn't mean to, I do feel the need to keep up with him, and my competitiveness comes out in wanting to have just as much as he has, and a career is part of that. From myself, to fulfill expectations that I place on me in an urgent attempt not to disappoint those around me, stemming from my paranoia that everyone is watching me and waiting for me to screw up. Which I am trying to work on turning into ambition and motivation. I try and look at the pressure that I feel because of my boyfriend, as a sign from the universe to light my ass on fire a bit and get me moving in the right direction, to challenge myself and push beyond my limitations. I am invested in this, not only because I am good at it, but I really do enjoy the work. The fact that all of it will be mine one day is what drives me.
love always,
loveylou
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 19
Well, the Sunday Binge hit me last night. I had about 1 1/2 Cups of this ice cream that's 120 cal and 2g Fat per 1/2C. I didn't purge it and went straight to bed. I'm kinda frustrated about it, but it stopped at just that and whats done is done so whatever. Oh, and I also had a banana.
When I'm at work, I'm constantly drinking my green tea. I need the caffeine to keep me going, plus I know it speeds up my metabolism and is full of antioxidants and good shit so why not. I got on my elliptical right after work to clear my head and think about how in over my head I am with this job. Beginning next fucking week I'll be on my own and expected to know everything. Holy Shit. Anyways, here's what today looked like:
Breakfast
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
3/4C Fat Free Greek Yogurt 100
3/4C Almond Milk 30
1/2C Strawberries 50
1 Tbl Hemp Seeds 60
240 Cal
9g Fat
25g Protein
Lunch
1C Spinach 0
1/2C Edamame 120
5 Cherry Tomatoes 50
1/2 Orange Pepper 10
3 Tbl Fat Free Italian Dressing 15
195 Cal
5g Fat
14g Protein
Snacks
1C Grapes 100
1 Grapefruit 50
Burn 300 Elliptical
Recovery
1C Whole Wheat Pasta 250
1C Spinach + Basil 0
1/2 Floret Broccoli 20
5 Mushrooms 25
3 Cloves Garlic, 1/10C Onion 0
2 Tbl Olive Oil 80
2 Tbl Parmesan 50
425 Cal
21g Fat
20g Protein
Total
1,010
44g Fat
59g Protein
Net Intake
710 Cal
Damn today was a high day. On the plus side, my workout today was a breeze, which is a sign I'm getting in better shape! In the back of my mind I'm worried that I'm going to literally 'see' all this food on me. But I'm going to yoga tomorrow so I'm going to need to eat about the same portions. Definitely not as high as 1,000 that's for damn sure. That was kinda one of my rules for myself, was not to go over 1,000 so thats a disappointment. I can only fix it with my future actions, so this week I'm going to have to make sure I'm on the ball, and get back into doing my calisthenics; starting with today.
Edit: So, I binged on that ice cream again, added almonds into it for more crunch. I had already decided I would purge it before I even ate it, it's ice cream it's so easy. A lot of my pasta came up as well, so I feel better that it wasn't a 'true' 1,000 calorie day. I need better control though.
When I'm at work, I'm constantly drinking my green tea. I need the caffeine to keep me going, plus I know it speeds up my metabolism and is full of antioxidants and good shit so why not. I got on my elliptical right after work to clear my head and think about how in over my head I am with this job. Beginning next fucking week I'll be on my own and expected to know everything. Holy Shit. Anyways, here's what today looked like:
Breakfast
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
3/4C Fat Free Greek Yogurt 100
3/4C Almond Milk 30
1/2C Strawberries 50
1 Tbl Hemp Seeds 60
240 Cal
9g Fat
25g Protein
Lunch
1C Spinach 0
1/2C Edamame 120
5 Cherry Tomatoes 50
1/2 Orange Pepper 10
3 Tbl Fat Free Italian Dressing 15
195 Cal
5g Fat
14g Protein
Snacks
1C Grapes 100
1 Grapefruit 50
Burn 300 Elliptical
Recovery
1C Whole Wheat Pasta 250
1C Spinach + Basil 0
1/2 Floret Broccoli 20
5 Mushrooms 25
3 Cloves Garlic, 1/10C Onion 0
2 Tbl Olive Oil 80
2 Tbl Parmesan 50
425 Cal
21g Fat
20g Protein
Total
1,010
44g Fat
59g Protein
Net Intake
710 Cal
Damn today was a high day. On the plus side, my workout today was a breeze, which is a sign I'm getting in better shape! In the back of my mind I'm worried that I'm going to literally 'see' all this food on me. But I'm going to yoga tomorrow so I'm going to need to eat about the same portions. Definitely not as high as 1,000 that's for damn sure. That was kinda one of my rules for myself, was not to go over 1,000 so thats a disappointment. I can only fix it with my future actions, so this week I'm going to have to make sure I'm on the ball, and get back into doing my calisthenics; starting with today.
Edit: So, I binged on that ice cream again, added almonds into it for more crunch. I had already decided I would purge it before I even ate it, it's ice cream it's so easy. A lot of my pasta came up as well, so I feel better that it wasn't a 'true' 1,000 calorie day. I need better control though.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 17 + 18 + Pics
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| Day 3 |
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| Day 17 |
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| Day 17 |
Breakfast
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4C Part-Skim Mozzarella 80
1/2 Orange Pepper 10
3 Mushrooms 15
1 tsp Olive Oil 40
235 Cal
14g Fat
25g Protein
Lunch
3/4C Fat Free Greek Yogurt 100
1/2C Strawberries 50
1/2C Almond Milk 20
1 Banana 100
270 Cal
2g Fat
17g Protein
Snack
Grapefruit 50
Total
550 Cal
16g Fat
42g Protein
I brought a salad with me to J's thinking I could just have that for dinner, but we ended up getting into an intense conversation and I just got so worked up there was no way I could eat. He feels like he's pressuring me to take on too much with this new job, because he's 26 and has started his career. And it's true, that at times I do feel I put pressure on myself to 'keep up' with him, but in no way do I feel any pressure coming from him. If anyone is pressuring me it's my grandfather. This all came about, right as we were about to have sex, and then he just seemed to lose interest and when I asked what was wrong he just kept saying nothing (because he's more stubborn and I am, if possible) until finally coming out with it. Needless to say, my mind is going CRAZY, and Ana gets in my head telling me that he thinks I'm fat, and isn't attracted to me anymore, he's bored, he doesn't love me, he's tired of having a fat girlfriend and just doesn't know how to say it. I might have made a mistake by telling him that my mind was going crazy, and that it makes me never want to take my clothes off again... He didn't quite understand at first and I repeated, 'I told you, you don't know what was going through my mind at that point'. He felt pretty guilty, and at the time didn't pay it much attention, because to him I suppose it's ridiculous but I started to cry a bit and at that point it was for a million reasons. He just held me and kept telling me he loved me. He's so good like that. Today he picked me up and put me on his shoulders and walked to his bedroom and threw me on the bed and told me how light I was. It made me happy for a split second, but because I essentially told him I was feeling insecure, and he knows I've been trying to 'get in shape for our vacation' I can't take that comment at face value so it just doesn't count.
Day 18
Breakfast
Green Tea 0
1/4C Steel Cut Oats 150
1/4C Blueberries 20
(my portions weren't measure so I will over estimate)
200 Cal
2g Fat
10g Protein
Lunch + Dinner
(1/2 + 1/2)
2C Spinach 0
1/4C Cucumber 0
1/4C Corn 35
1/2C Black Beans 130
1/2 Avocado 100
1/2 Orange Pepper 10
8 Cherry Tomatoes 40
3Tbl Fat Free Italian Dressing 15
350 Cal
3g Fat
15g Protein
Snack
1/4 Cantaloupe 50
Grapefruit 50
Total
650 Cal
5g Fat
25g Protein
I'm already starting to feel burnt out and put under pressure with work, and just not having time to myself like I used to. Being in public is exhausting. But the more tired I am, and the more work I am doing and the busier I keep myself, the more calories I burn, the less I eat, and the smaller I become. Tomorrows going to be another hard one, the Monday Binge is after me. I'll kick his ass though, best offensive measure: excercise. Hoping I'll have enough energy after work for a quick hop on the elliptical!
love always,
xoxo
love always,
xoxo
Diet Documentary Day 16
Breakfast
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4C Part-Skim Mozzarella 80
Basil Spinach 0
170Cal
7g Fat
25g Protein
Lunch
1/4C Quinoa 170
1/4C Light Feta 70
1/4C Chickpeas 85
1/2C Broccoli 15
1/2 Red Pepper 10
1 Stalk Celery 0
White Wine Vinegar 5
355 Cal
10g Fat
15g Protein
Snack
Grapefruit 50
Dinner
1 Chick'n Scallion 80
1 Boiled Carrot 20
1C Strawberries 100
3/4C Greek Yogurt 100
270 Cal
4g Fat
27g Protein
Total
845 Cal
21g Fat
67g Protein
Another busy 9 hour work day, but it's nice to keep my brain busy, gives a nice distraction from calculating and recalculating calories. I love designing these meal plans and tallying everything up into a nice little package, measuring everything so it's just so, and exact. Maybe my father's OCD has rubbed off some, who knows.
Tomorrow I get to see my man and I'm so excited! All these changes in my body have made me feel SO much better about being naked. I know J can tell when I stare at myself in the mirror while we're in the shower, but I just can't help it. Theres this stupid 'thing' its like a tumor on my back/side of hip thats like this stupid little saddlebag like thing, and while its shrunk and shrunk I can still grab on to it and it just shouldn't be there and I hate it! But my stomach is much flatter and toned, when I flex I can actually feel muscle that was definitely not there before!
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4C Part-Skim Mozzarella 80
Basil Spinach 0
170Cal
7g Fat
25g Protein
Lunch
1/4C Quinoa 170
1/4C Light Feta 70
1/4C Chickpeas 85
1/2C Broccoli 15
1/2 Red Pepper 10
1 Stalk Celery 0
White Wine Vinegar 5
355 Cal
10g Fat
15g Protein
Snack
Grapefruit 50
Dinner
1 Chick'n Scallion 80
1 Boiled Carrot 20
1C Strawberries 100
3/4C Greek Yogurt 100
270 Cal
4g Fat
27g Protein
Total
845 Cal
21g Fat
67g Protein
Another busy 9 hour work day, but it's nice to keep my brain busy, gives a nice distraction from calculating and recalculating calories. I love designing these meal plans and tallying everything up into a nice little package, measuring everything so it's just so, and exact. Maybe my father's OCD has rubbed off some, who knows.
Tomorrow I get to see my man and I'm so excited! All these changes in my body have made me feel SO much better about being naked. I know J can tell when I stare at myself in the mirror while we're in the shower, but I just can't help it. Theres this stupid 'thing' its like a tumor on my back/side of hip thats like this stupid little saddlebag like thing, and while its shrunk and shrunk I can still grab on to it and it just shouldn't be there and I hate it! But my stomach is much flatter and toned, when I flex I can actually feel muscle that was definitely not there before!
Friday, March 22, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 15
Breakfast
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
3/4C FF Greek Yogurt 100
1/2C Strawberries 50
1Tbl Hemp Seeds 60
270 Cal
5g Fat
22g Protein
Lunch
1/2C Brown Rice 150
1/2C Edamame 120
1/2C Black Beans 50
1/4C Corn
1/2 Green Pepper 15
1Tbl Soy Sauce
380 Cal
6g Fat
15g Protein
Snack (pre-yoga)
Grapefruit 50
1.5 Hour Vinyassa
(-450)
Dinner
1 Banana 100
1 Scoop Choco Vega Protein 110
2C Vanilla Almond Milk 80
290 Cal
10g Fat
13g Protein
Total
990 Cal
21g Fat
50g Protein
Net Intake
540 Cal
I am absolutely wiped today. Work was busy, I'm learning lots of new things and gaining a ton of responsibility which scares the living daylights out of me. Time to put on my big girl outfit. I've got so much on my mind I couldn't even focus on my yoga practice today, my mind was buzzing with distractions. I worked up a good sweat and feel blissfully limber now, I love how yoga does that to you.
My jeans have gotten a lot looser! The size 26's I used to only be able to squeeze myself into after lying on my back and tugging. I've noticed when I cross my legs that my thighs are incredibly thin, like a pancake. They still seem floppity loose to me though but when I cross one over the other, the span of the top of my thigh is no wider than the span of my fingers. They are starting to get a little bit looser around the hips too. My tummy has always been the weakest and worst part of me so I know that's going to be the hardest to improve. My thighs also no longer touch at all! Even with my knees bent and touching, the tops stay apart. I love it! My arms have gotten a lot leaner as well. This little changes keep me going. I need to be doing more excercise though.
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
3/4C FF Greek Yogurt 100
1/2C Strawberries 50
1Tbl Hemp Seeds 60
270 Cal
5g Fat
22g Protein
Lunch
1/2C Brown Rice 150
1/2C Edamame 120
1/2C Black Beans 50
1/4C Corn
1/2 Green Pepper 15
1Tbl Soy Sauce
380 Cal
6g Fat
15g Protein
Snack (pre-yoga)
Grapefruit 50
1.5 Hour Vinyassa
(-450)
Dinner
1 Banana 100
1 Scoop Choco Vega Protein 110
2C Vanilla Almond Milk 80
290 Cal
10g Fat
13g Protein
Total
990 Cal
21g Fat
50g Protein
Net Intake
540 Cal
I am absolutely wiped today. Work was busy, I'm learning lots of new things and gaining a ton of responsibility which scares the living daylights out of me. Time to put on my big girl outfit. I've got so much on my mind I couldn't even focus on my yoga practice today, my mind was buzzing with distractions. I worked up a good sweat and feel blissfully limber now, I love how yoga does that to you.
My jeans have gotten a lot looser! The size 26's I used to only be able to squeeze myself into after lying on my back and tugging. I've noticed when I cross my legs that my thighs are incredibly thin, like a pancake. They still seem floppity loose to me though but when I cross one over the other, the span of the top of my thigh is no wider than the span of my fingers. They are starting to get a little bit looser around the hips too. My tummy has always been the weakest and worst part of me so I know that's going to be the hardest to improve. My thighs also no longer touch at all! Even with my knees bent and touching, the tops stay apart. I love it! My arms have gotten a lot leaner as well. This little changes keep me going. I need to be doing more excercise though.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 14
Yoga last night was wonderful, as always. I actually woke up without any soreness! I kinda crave that feeling, just a little bit. I was planning on burning 300 on my elliptical this afternoon, but that's when I thought I had no plans!
I ended up being called into my grandfathers office for what was supposed to be a 'training-interview'. Read: A chance to convince his business partner that I'm not just a 'pretty face' as she put it, and am an asset to the company. Pretty sure I nailed it. I sat in on a meeting with a business consultant after lunch, and maintained a quiet presence, but voiced my opinions and trusted my gut to tell me when to do so. The consultant was quite taken with me, and complimented my intelligence as if surprised. Thanks. In the end, after my grandfather had left to take care of my grandmother, Maxine (partner) stayed and talked with the consultant as I tried to listen from my desk. My name was mentioned several times and I overheard him say, 'But you don't have an exit strategy!' Duh, the girl is a bit of a business nut, she don't know nothing but generally coat tails on my grandfather and hand holds him when he gets confused because of his Italian-English. Anyways, I'll be going in again tomorrow, and hope to cement a position there. I already know that I will end up there, it's just a matter of time. The sooner, the better, especially since I'd be working with my grandfather and he has a lot to teach me. Because my day ended up so unexpectedly full, I entirely skipped my lunch, and now it's almost 7pm and I've tasted the starvation high I'm an addict for...
Breakfast
1 Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
1/2C Greek Yogurt 100
1/2C Strawberries 50
2 Tbl Hemp Seeds 120
270 Cal
12g Fat
20g Protein
Snack
Apple 50
Dinner
2C Spinach 0
20 Cherry Tomatoes 80
1 Stalk Celery 0
1/2 Yellow Pepper 15
1/2 Avocado 100
1/4 Cucumber 0
1 Mango 110
25 Almonds 175
1/4C Feta 70
1 Tbl Olive Oil 80
3 Tbl Vinegar 15
3 Cloves Garlic 0
Basil 0
630 Cal (-1/2)
29g Fat
28g Protein
Total
950 Cal
41g Fat
48g Protein
Net Intake:
635 Cal
I don't even care how calorie dense that salad is. I wanted a salad-meal with almonds that I'd been craving all week, and a freaking mango. It was delicious and even though I'm eating it at 9:30 (yikes) I'm okay with it. Too bad I couldn't even finish all of it. 1/2 of it filled me up enough, considering my stomach probably shrank during the day. I couldn't really handle the idea of a 1,000 calorie day without any exercise.
I ended up being called into my grandfathers office for what was supposed to be a 'training-interview'. Read: A chance to convince his business partner that I'm not just a 'pretty face' as she put it, and am an asset to the company. Pretty sure I nailed it. I sat in on a meeting with a business consultant after lunch, and maintained a quiet presence, but voiced my opinions and trusted my gut to tell me when to do so. The consultant was quite taken with me, and complimented my intelligence as if surprised. Thanks. In the end, after my grandfather had left to take care of my grandmother, Maxine (partner) stayed and talked with the consultant as I tried to listen from my desk. My name was mentioned several times and I overheard him say, 'But you don't have an exit strategy!' Duh, the girl is a bit of a business nut, she don't know nothing but generally coat tails on my grandfather and hand holds him when he gets confused because of his Italian-English. Anyways, I'll be going in again tomorrow, and hope to cement a position there. I already know that I will end up there, it's just a matter of time. The sooner, the better, especially since I'd be working with my grandfather and he has a lot to teach me. Because my day ended up so unexpectedly full, I entirely skipped my lunch, and now it's almost 7pm and I've tasted the starvation high I'm an addict for...
Breakfast
1 Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
1/2C Greek Yogurt 100
1/2C Strawberries 50
2 Tbl Hemp Seeds 120
270 Cal
12g Fat
20g Protein
Snack
Apple 50
Dinner
2C Spinach 0
20 Cherry Tomatoes 80
1 Stalk Celery 0
1/2 Yellow Pepper 15
1/2 Avocado 100
1/4 Cucumber 0
1 Mango 110
25 Almonds 175
1/4C Feta 70
1 Tbl Olive Oil 80
3 Tbl Vinegar 15
3 Cloves Garlic 0
Basil 0
630 Cal (-1/2)
29g Fat
28g Protein
Total
950 Cal
41g Fat
48g Protein
Net Intake:
635 Cal
I don't even care how calorie dense that salad is. I wanted a salad-meal with almonds that I'd been craving all week, and a freaking mango. It was delicious and even though I'm eating it at 9:30 (yikes) I'm okay with it. Too bad I couldn't even finish all of it. 1/2 of it filled me up enough, considering my stomach probably shrank during the day. I couldn't really handle the idea of a 1,000 calorie day without any exercise.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 13
Well, I failed with the binging last night. I wanted yam fries after my pasta dinner, which in no way is allowed so I knew I was breaking all the rules with that first cheat, and it was all down hill from there. I made vanilla cupcakes with peanut butter frosting, (ate 5 threw the rest away), yam fries, 4 pieces of toast 1/2 with margarine, 1/2 with peanut butter, saltine crackers with peanut butter, a banana, 3 mandarin oranges, and because that wasn't enough, I asked my sister to bring me home a frozen yogurt blended with fresh mixed berries from the coffee shop she works at. Luckily the only thing that managed to stay down was about 7 saltine crackers (90cal) with 1 tsp peanut butter each that I ate before I even had my dinner. The rest of the binge went down the toilet.
My stomach is an absolute wreck right now. I am starving but don't want to put anything in my mouth. I'll start with my green tea and lemon and hopefully that will settle my tummy. I'm going to another yoga class today with a friend, so that should get me back on track.
Breakfast
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4C Part-Skim Mozzarella 80
1/4C Broccoli 10
3 Mushrooms 15
1/2 Tbl Olive Oil 20
Basil Spinach 0
215 Cal
8g Fat
25g Protein
Lunch
2C Spinach 0
1/4C Light Feta 70
1 Pepper 15
10 Cherry Tomatos 50
1/2 Avocado 100
1/2 Cucumber 0
1Tbl Olive Oil 40
3 Tbl Vinegar 15
Parsley Basil 0
290 Cal
17g Fat
14g Protein
Snack (pre-yoga)
Apple 50
Vinyassa 1.5 Hours
(-450)
Recovery
1 Banana 100
1 Strawberry Activia 40
1/2C Almond Milk 20
1/4C Greek Yogurt 50
1 Tbl Hemp Seeds 60
270 Cal
6g Fat
15g Protein
Total
825 Cal
31g Fat
54g Protein
Net Intake
375 Cal
My fat content is high today and it worries part of me. The other part rationalizes that they are MUFAS, and come from healthy sources. Olive Oil, Avocado, Hemp Seeds, and sources of protein. And I know I need the nutrition in order to do Yoga, especially after purging 3 times yesterday. Today a friend of mine, Becca is coming to class with me. I've always suspected she had an ed herself, but have never and probably would never bring it up or inquire further. It's safer this way.
All during yoga I felt off balanced. I'm sure it was the purging last night, or the dizzyness from class. I can feel my body getting stronger. Looking forward to shifting my burn to 300 on my elliptical tomorrow!
Have any of you guys ever confronted a friend about their strange eating habits?
My stomach is an absolute wreck right now. I am starving but don't want to put anything in my mouth. I'll start with my green tea and lemon and hopefully that will settle my tummy. I'm going to another yoga class today with a friend, so that should get me back on track.
Breakfast
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4C Part-Skim Mozzarella 80
1/4C Broccoli 10
3 Mushrooms 15
1/2 Tbl Olive Oil 20
Basil Spinach 0
215 Cal
8g Fat
25g Protein
Lunch
2C Spinach 0
1/4C Light Feta 70
1 Pepper 15
10 Cherry Tomatos 50
1/2 Avocado 100
1/2 Cucumber 0
1Tbl Olive Oil 40
3 Tbl Vinegar 15
Parsley Basil 0
290 Cal
17g Fat
14g Protein
Snack (pre-yoga)
Apple 50
Vinyassa 1.5 Hours
(-450)
Recovery
1 Banana 100
1 Strawberry Activia 40
1/2C Almond Milk 20
1/4C Greek Yogurt 50
1 Tbl Hemp Seeds 60
270 Cal
6g Fat
15g Protein
Total
825 Cal
31g Fat
54g Protein
Net Intake
375 Cal
My fat content is high today and it worries part of me. The other part rationalizes that they are MUFAS, and come from healthy sources. Olive Oil, Avocado, Hemp Seeds, and sources of protein. And I know I need the nutrition in order to do Yoga, especially after purging 3 times yesterday. Today a friend of mine, Becca is coming to class with me. I've always suspected she had an ed herself, but have never and probably would never bring it up or inquire further. It's safer this way.
All during yoga I felt off balanced. I'm sure it was the purging last night, or the dizzyness from class. I can feel my body getting stronger. Looking forward to shifting my burn to 300 on my elliptical tomorrow!
Have any of you guys ever confronted a friend about their strange eating habits?
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 12
Breakfast
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4C Part-Skim Mozzarella 80
1/8C Broccoli 5
3 Small Mushrooms 10
1 tsp Olive Oil 40
Basil Spinach 0
225 Cal
14g Fat
24g Protein
Snack
Grapefruit 50
Recovery
1 Banana 100
1C Almond Milk 45
1 Scoop Vega Chocolate Protein 110
255 Cal
7g Fat
13g Protein
Dinner
1C Whole Wheat Pasta 250
1/2C Spinach 0
10 Cherry Tomatoes 50
2Tbl Parmesan 50
350 Cal
8g Fat
18g Protein
Total
860 Cal
29g Fat
55g Protein
I really want to work out today, mentally I do, but I am also feeling really lazy. Probably because of how little I ate yesterday. But I'm trying to calorie cycle and I know that if you shift a higher calorie intake 1 day a week it can help ignite your metabolism. Realistically, 860 calories are not that high. Just trying to avoid the Monday Binge...
Monday, March 18, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 10+11
Breakfast
Green tea with Lemon 0
1C Egg Beaters 120
2 light cheese 50
Onion 0
170 Cal
3g Fat
27g Protein
Snack
Apple 50
Dinner (for J's)
1C Wilted Spinach 0
1/4C Quinoa 140
1/4C Light Feta 70
1/4C Chickpeas 70
2 Celery Stalks 0
Parsley Basil Garlic 0
270 Cal
12g Fat
12g Protein
Total
490 Cal
15g Fat
39g Protein
I'm so sore today, my muscles scream in pain whenever I move, and I have a lot to do today. I really just feel like staying under the covers and watching the rain. But I'm dying to see my man and the 2 hours in public transit will be well worth it.
It's getting harder and harder to finish my 900 calorie or 800 calorie days when I'm not active, it's the only way it feels justified. Which is why today I'm only at 490 (if that, my eggs were 1/2 eaten). I had a lunch planned and allotted with rice and beans but I didn't really want it, and I would have had to gone out of my way to go buy the rice and allot time to make it which I just didn't have so I said fuck it.
Breakfast
Green Tea with Lemon 0
1/2C Steel Cut Oats 300
1/2C Blueberries 40
340 Cal
4g Fat
10g Protein
Dinner
2C Iceberg Lettuce 0
1/2 Tomato 15
1/2 Cucumber 0
1/2C Beans 50
1/2 Yellow Pepper 10
1Tbl Olive Oil 80
Taco Seasoning 15
Salsa 15
170 Cal
8g Fat
5g Protein
Total
510 Cal
12g Fat
15g Protein
Today was a beautiful sunny day, so I got J and I out by the ocean and went for a looooong 2 hour walk on the shore side and through downtown. I was freezing cold with the wind and without a coat, it looked deceptively warmer, and needed to keep a brisk pace to stay warm. Plus shivering burns calories! According to this calculator which tells you how many calories you burned based on your weight and distance, I burned 250 cal, so my net intake today is very low.
Tonight I face the challenge of the binge. I just need to keep focused on tomorrow and ignoring my stomach. Wish me luck!!
Green tea with Lemon 0
1C Egg Beaters 120
2 light cheese 50
Onion 0
170 Cal
3g Fat
27g Protein
Snack
Apple 50
Dinner (for J's)
1C Wilted Spinach 0
1/4C Quinoa 140
1/4C Light Feta 70
1/4C Chickpeas 70
2 Celery Stalks 0
Parsley Basil Garlic 0
270 Cal
12g Fat
12g Protein
Total
490 Cal
15g Fat
39g Protein
I'm so sore today, my muscles scream in pain whenever I move, and I have a lot to do today. I really just feel like staying under the covers and watching the rain. But I'm dying to see my man and the 2 hours in public transit will be well worth it.
It's getting harder and harder to finish my 900 calorie or 800 calorie days when I'm not active, it's the only way it feels justified. Which is why today I'm only at 490 (if that, my eggs were 1/2 eaten). I had a lunch planned and allotted with rice and beans but I didn't really want it, and I would have had to gone out of my way to go buy the rice and allot time to make it which I just didn't have so I said fuck it.
Breakfast
Green Tea with Lemon 0
1/2C Steel Cut Oats 300
1/2C Blueberries 40
340 Cal
4g Fat
10g Protein
Dinner
2C Iceberg Lettuce 0
1/2 Tomato 15
1/2 Cucumber 0
1/2C Beans 50
1/2 Yellow Pepper 10
1Tbl Olive Oil 80
Taco Seasoning 15
Salsa 15
170 Cal
8g Fat
5g Protein
Total
510 Cal
12g Fat
15g Protein
Today was a beautiful sunny day, so I got J and I out by the ocean and went for a looooong 2 hour walk on the shore side and through downtown. I was freezing cold with the wind and without a coat, it looked deceptively warmer, and needed to keep a brisk pace to stay warm. Plus shivering burns calories! According to this calculator which tells you how many calories you burned based on your weight and distance, I burned 250 cal, so my net intake today is very low.
Tonight I face the challenge of the binge. I just need to keep focused on tomorrow and ignoring my stomach. Wish me luck!!
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 9
I went to another Yoga class today, I walked there but needed to take the bus back because I was so sore. When I woke up I felt fine but as I started to move around more I sure felt stiff. Went to try and work it out on the mat, and I just know I'm going to be useless tomorrow. I met a few nice people in my class today, they introduced themselves to me and we started chatting. It's nice being social and meeting new people again. Once I got home I had an Epsom Salt Bath with some Lavender oil and soaked for a good hour. I feel like a wrung out sponge right now! Trying to drink as much water as possible right now. Originally I had another meal planned for dinner, but I ate my pasta (lunch) too late and decided to skip it instead for a smoothie. I can make the meal tomorrow and take it to J's house, because I've made it for us before and I know he likes it. If I bring it with me, then I can measure out my portion in a container before hand. Perfect.
Breakfast
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
1/4C Broccoli 5
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4C Part Skim Mozzarella 80
Basil Spinach 0
175 Cal
7g Fat
24g Protein
1 Hour Vinyassa Yoga + walk to studio
(-450)
(-450)
Snack
Apple 50
Recovery
1C Whole Wheat Pasta 205
1/2 Zucchini 10
1/2C Mushrooms 25
1/2C Cherry Tomatoes 50
1/4C Cottage Cheese 100
1/2 Small Green Pepper 5
1/2 Small Green Pepper 5
1Tbl Parmesan 25
Garlic Onion Basil 0
420 Cal
10g Fat
25g Protein
Calisthenics
(50 ea. leg ext., 50 ea. side crunches)
Snack
1/2C Strawberries 50
1 Banana 100
1C Coconut Water 45
1Tbl Hemp Seeds 60
255 Cal
6g Fat
6g Protein
Total
900 Cal
23g Fat
55g Protein
Net:
450 Calories
450 Calories
Friday, March 15, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 8
Green Tea w/ Lemon 0
Oatmeal 120
1 Apple 0
Cinnamon 0
170 Cal
2g Fat
3g Protein
1:45 Snack
2 Activias (fat free)
80 Cal
0g Fat
6g Protein
2:30 Calisthenics + Walk to Grocery Store & back
[100 crunches, 50 side crunches ea., 50 leg ext. ea.]
4:15 Lunch
1 Small Sweet Potato (no skin) 100
3 Pieces light cheese 75
2 Slices Onion + Garlic, Cayenne 0
1 Mountain Veggie Burger 160
2.5 C Sugar Snap Peas 100
435 Cal
10g Fat
17g Protein
I took 2 Hydroxycuts before this meal, 'just in case I need it'
Yoga 6:45-8:15
(I'm walking to the studio, 15 blocks)
8:30 Dinner
1/2C Coconut Water 20
1/4C Spinach 0
1 Banana 100
1 Grapefruit (1/2 for smoothie) 50
Protein Powder 110
290 Cal
7g Fat
25g Protein
Total
975 Calories
(-450)
Net Intake:
525 Cal
19g Fat
51g Protein
It's a fuck ton of eating.
I'm praying I don't gain tomorrow.
Trying to 'calorie cycle.'
Going to have a Detox Bath before bed to help my muscles.
love always,
loveylou
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 7
Things have been getting better over the last few days. Now that I have my food all mapped out and my calories calculated each day, I feel like I'm worth something again. I've been making big steps forward too. I told Tina that I'm not in school. She threw her iPhone 5 at me which fractured my thumb but it was out of love. My mom also told me that my scholarship is not gone! I still have money for school! Which is a huge load off my back but I have to use it this September. So I filled out an application to the same University my sister and Juls are going next year and I'm really excited about it. It's just a University Transfer Program but now I can stop wondering how close to nothing I'll actually ever amount to without an education! I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel...
 |
| Breakfast! :) |
Green Tea + Lemon 0
3/4 C Egg Beaters 90
1/4 C Part Skim Mozzarella 80
1/4 Floret Broccoli 5
2 Mushrooms 15
Basil Spinach 0
Cooking Spray 10
+Multivitamin
200 Calories
7g Fat
24g Protein
Recovery
1 Banana
1 Mandarin
1/4 C Pineapple
1/4 C Coconut Water
Protein Powder
275 Calories
3g Fat
26g Protein
Dinner
Spinach 0
1/2 C Strawberries 25
1/2 Avocado 100
1/2 Pepper 5
1/4C Light Feta 70
10 Almonds 70
Celery 0
10 Cherry Tomatoes 50
Onion Garlic 0
Balsamic Vinegar 15
340 Calories
20g Fat
15g Protein
Snacks
Grapefruit 50
Total 865
Burn
200 - Elliptical
50 reps Leg Extensions (each)
150 Crunches
100 Side Crunches
Net Intake
665 Calories
30g Fat
65g Protein
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 6
 |
| don't my legs look deformed? |
Breakfast
1/2 C Egg Beaters 60
1/4 C Part Skim Mozzarella 80
1 tsp Olive Oil 40
1 Red Pepper 15
200 Cal
12g Fat
18g Protein
Dinner
1 C Whole Wheat Pasta 250
1/2 C Spinach 0
1/4 C Peas 30
10 Cherry Tomatoes 50
1 Yellow Pepper 10
4 Small Mushrooms 15
1/3 Small Zucchini 15
3 Tbl Fat Free Italian Dressing 30
2 Tbl Parmesan 50
Garlic Basil 0
450 Calories
5g Fat
14g Protein
Snacks
Grapefruit 50
Total
700 Calories
17g Fat
32g Protein
I've been craving pasta and parmesan for days now and I'm scared to try it, because I'm worried it will lead to a binge but this recipe makes a sort of veggie pasta salad because the ratio of the ratio of veggies to pasta. I really want pasta in tomato sauce with parmesan but I'm not letting myself have that, there aren't enough veggies in that meal and I'll need to just eat something else in addition so whats the point. I'm in so much pain too, luckily my sister gave me a few T3's which I'm having fun with, and mellowing out with some "cheddar". I keep putting off my work outs and saying I'll do them but tomorrow will be the day I get back on the elliptical. I'm also really craving Orange freaking Julius (?!?!) So for my post-work out treat I'll try and make a healthier version with my protein powder.
love always,
loveylou
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 5
Breakfast
3/4 C Egg Beaters 90
1/4 C Part Skim Mozzarella 80
Basil Spinach 0
170 Calories
7g Fat
24g Protein
Dinner
Iceberg Lettuce 0
1/4 C Black Beans 60
1/4 C Corn 35
1/4 C Veggie Grounds 45
1/4 Red Pepper 5
1/2 Avocado 100
10 Cherry Tomatoes 50
3 Tbls Diced Onion 0
1/4 C Fat Free Cottage Cheese 80
+ Cayenne Peper
Cooking Spray 25
400 Calories
10g Fat
30g Protein
Snacks
Banana 100
3 Mandarins 90
1 C Strawberries 50
240 Calories
Total
790 Calories
17g Fat
54g Protein
Fuck that's high, but when I calculate it, it looks like this:
61% of today's calories comes fruit and vegetables
(31% Veggies, 30% Fruit)
40% of today's calories come from a source of protein
My fat content is below 20g which is fantastic.
I didn't do any cardio, I did some leg lifts while watching The Ellen Degeneres show and I'm going to do some ab work before bed.
EDIT: wow I fucked up, I ate a whole bag of pistachios and some low cal orange sherbet and 2 pieces of toast 1 with margarine one with peanut butter. Purged all of it nicely but then ate a 250 cal 12g Fat bar of chocolate. It was small but its fucking chocolate, and about 1/3 C blueberries. I'm not going to dwell on it and just continue on.
3/4 C Egg Beaters 90
1/4 C Part Skim Mozzarella 80
Basil Spinach 0
170 Calories
7g Fat
24g Protein
Dinner
Iceberg Lettuce 0
1/4 C Black Beans 60
1/4 C Corn 35
1/4 C Veggie Grounds 45
1/4 Red Pepper 5
1/2 Avocado 100
10 Cherry Tomatoes 50
3 Tbls Diced Onion 0
1/4 C Fat Free Cottage Cheese 80
+ Cayenne Peper
Cooking Spray 25
400 Calories
10g Fat
30g Protein
Snacks
Banana 100
3 Mandarins 90
1 C Strawberries 50
240 Calories
Total
790 Calories
17g Fat
54g Protein
Fuck that's high, but when I calculate it, it looks like this:
61% of today's calories comes fruit and vegetables
(31% Veggies, 30% Fruit)
40% of today's calories come from a source of protein
My fat content is below 20g which is fantastic.
I didn't do any cardio, I did some leg lifts while watching The Ellen Degeneres show and I'm going to do some ab work before bed.
EDIT: wow I fucked up, I ate a whole bag of pistachios and some low cal orange sherbet and 2 pieces of toast 1 with margarine one with peanut butter. Purged all of it nicely but then ate a 250 cal 12g Fat bar of chocolate. It was small but its fucking chocolate, and about 1/3 C blueberries. I'm not going to dwell on it and just continue on.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 4
Yesterday I was at J's and whenever I'm there I stay on track really well, because I'm always so worked up that I will go over my calorie limit, and anxious about not knowing the numbers of the food I'm consuming, I eire on the side of caution and stop eating pretty much altogether.
The 'big dinner' I was so worried about having, ended up being a meal out. Probably because J realized he seriously can't cook much more than mashed potatoes and he had a gift card to The Keg. A perfect destination for a vegetarian. I had the spinach salad and asked for it without candied pecans because that will jack up your calories 300+. It had goat cheese, 1 strawberry, dried cranberries in a champagne vinaigrette. I forget to get it on the side but I only ate half of it and boxed the rest up.
Day 4
Breakfast
Leftover 1/2 spinach salad from The Keg
150 Cal
5g Fat
1g Protein
(estimated)
Dinner
Veggie Quinoa Stirfry
300 Cal
8g Fat
6g Protein
(estimated)
I grossly over estimated these, my portions were tiny.
Total
450 Cal
13g Fat
7g Protein
Which means today I need to ensure I get adequate protein. But my tummy is looking divinely thinner and putting food in there would just ruin that which makes me sad. I'm exhausted too, after having a restless nightmare filled sleep at J's and being woken up at 4:30 am when his alarm went off for work.
Hoping I can force myself to work out some...
love always,
xoxo
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 3 + Pics
Well today is going to be tricky. I've got a whole lot of anxiety about it. My grandfather just called me and asked me to work 1-5, then I'm going to J's. For whatever reason, he's decided he's going to cook dinner tonight. Fuck. He has never cooked dinner, not once, in the year that we have dated haha WOW. Hopefully I can just take over or something, but the unpredictability of it has been my focus since I woke up this morning.
Since I skipped dinner last night, my stomach was particularly flat this morning which made me smile. I still haven't weighed in yet though. J has a scale in his bathroom but its an old one and every time I step up on it tells me a number lower than what I believe. My ass and legs are killing me today, probably from that circuit work out. Today I'll focus on abs before I start to get ready for work.
Yesterday my dad drove me to work, my grandfather asked him and told me just before he arrived. It was the first time I've ever been alone with my father in over 3 years. He's picking me up again today and while I'm not super worked up over it, it makes me really uncomfortable. It seems so fake, like neither of us wants to address the elephant in the car.
Anyways, here's what today will look like, as far as I'm concerned.
Breakfast:
1 C Green Tea with lemon slices 0
Veggie Omelette
3/4 C Egg Beaters 90
1/4 Par Skim Mozzarella 80
1 Tbl Olive Oil 40
1/4 Red Pepper 5
Slice of Onion 0
3 Small Mushrooms 10
Basil & Spinach 0
225 Calories
12g Fat
25g Protein
Lunch
Blueberry Banana Smoothie
1 Small Banana 100
1/2 C Blueberries 40
1/2 C Coconut Water 25
165 Calories
1g Fat
1g Protein
Dinner:
Who the fuck nows. The hoop I'm in as well is the reason J says he doesn't cook is because of this ONE morning he made me eggs, and I ate less than half, complimented him and was done. He used real eggs, with a ton of oil in the pan, and cheddar marbled fucking cheese. How the fuck was I supposed to eat that? I get the gesture babe but you've seen the foods I eat, really. So for dinner tonight I'm really worried I can't get away with a smaller portion because he'll get all pissy about not liking his meal. I haven't had my smoothie yet and I'm so nervous about dinner I might forgo it... But I know I need something to sustain me over a 5 hour shift and the smoothie will give me instant energy. I've made it super low cal without hemp seeds or protein powder and I'll try to finish it just before I start my shift so it lasts me.
love always,
loveylou
Diet Documentary Day 2
Breakfast:
+ Multivitamin
335 Calories
8g Fat
30g Protein
Then I worked for 4 hours straight on my feet.
I was totally planning on having a salad for dinner, I even had it typed out with all the calculations and everything but then my mom and I started fighting and I couldn't eat it, even though I had just spent all this time making it.
Snacks:
1 Grapefruit 30
Total Intake:
565 Calories
16g Fat
54g Protein
Net Intake: 365 Calories
Yessss! Finally feeling back in control and loving how I feel after a work out. It's kept me away from binging and purging which is what I was aiming to do. I realize today was a high protein day, but considering all the excercise I got, I'm hoping to build a little more muscle.
What I noticed was, a year or less ago I was working out religiously every day for about 6 weeksish until I gave up. But my legs got really really toned. All throughout my life I have had a pear shaped body, and ginormous thunder thighs. Even as a kid, I remember being in basketball practice running drills and staring down at their sausage like shape and thinking, 'gross!' So as I went on my typical ed cycle of binging, purging, restricting, over eating etc and gained a ton of weight, it stayed mostly off of my thighs (yay!) but landed all in my hips and stomach (fuck!) While I've known that muscle burns fat, I've read it numerous times in diet articles I never really understood it until then. It seems to make sense, the muscle I built in my thighs from religiously working out on the elliptical is what kept them trim. What extra motivation to work out! The muscle you build helps you from gaining weight in the future..
Note: I in no way am saying that I am promoting this as a 'healthy lifestyle'. As you can see, I'm quite calorie deficient, however, I do try my hardest to make sure the calories I do consume come from healthy places and I give my body the proper amount of protein it needs to sustain muscle mass, while burning only fat. It worked for me in the past to lose weight and I do feel healthy and generally better about myself. But I'm sure if a doctor or nutritionist got their hands on this, they would seriously tell me to up my intake. I'm also not including any grains in my diet as of yet.
1 cup green tea with two slices of lemon 0
Veggie Omelette
3/4 C Egg Beaters 90
1/4 C Part Skim Mozzarella 80
Spinach & Basil 0
1/4 Red Pepper 5
1 Slice Onion 0
3 Mushrooms 15
Cooking Spray 10
200 Calories
8g Fat
24g Protein
I did the 10 Minute Victoria Secret Circuit
Then a 200 Burn on my Elliptical
Recovery:
Strawberry Banana Protein Smoothie
1 small extra ripe banana 100
5 strawberries 25
Protein Powder: 110
1 C Coconut Water 45
1 Tbl Shelled Hemp Hearts 55
+ Multivitamin
335 Calories
8g Fat
30g Protein
Then I worked for 4 hours straight on my feet.
I was totally planning on having a salad for dinner, I even had it typed out with all the calculations and everything but then my mom and I started fighting and I couldn't eat it, even though I had just spent all this time making it.
Snacks:
1 Grapefruit 30
Total Intake:
565 Calories
16g Fat
54g Protein
Net Intake: 365 Calories
Yessss! Finally feeling back in control and loving how I feel after a work out. It's kept me away from binging and purging which is what I was aiming to do. I realize today was a high protein day, but considering all the excercise I got, I'm hoping to build a little more muscle.
What I noticed was, a year or less ago I was working out religiously every day for about 6 weeksish until I gave up. But my legs got really really toned. All throughout my life I have had a pear shaped body, and ginormous thunder thighs. Even as a kid, I remember being in basketball practice running drills and staring down at their sausage like shape and thinking, 'gross!' So as I went on my typical ed cycle of binging, purging, restricting, over eating etc and gained a ton of weight, it stayed mostly off of my thighs (yay!) but landed all in my hips and stomach (fuck!) While I've known that muscle burns fat, I've read it numerous times in diet articles I never really understood it until then. It seems to make sense, the muscle I built in my thighs from religiously working out on the elliptical is what kept them trim. What extra motivation to work out! The muscle you build helps you from gaining weight in the future..
Note: I in no way am saying that I am promoting this as a 'healthy lifestyle'. As you can see, I'm quite calorie deficient, however, I do try my hardest to make sure the calories I do consume come from healthy places and I give my body the proper amount of protein it needs to sustain muscle mass, while burning only fat. It worked for me in the past to lose weight and I do feel healthy and generally better about myself. But I'm sure if a doctor or nutritionist got their hands on this, they would seriously tell me to up my intake. I'm also not including any grains in my diet as of yet.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Diet Documentary Day 1
I'm going to start posting daily, and list my entire intake to make sure I stay on track. I will prepare meal plans and and follow them strictly. I decide every day what is, and is not allowed. I can eat as many fruits and vegetables as I want (in theory) and focus on my protein intake. I will be diligent about taking my multivitamin and bringing my water bottle with me wherever I go.
Here's what today looked like:
Breakfast:
Basil Spinach and Mozzarella Omlette
Basil: 0
Spinach: 20
3/4 C Egg Beaters: 100
1/4 C Part-Skim Mozzarella : 80
Total: 200 Calories
Fat: 7g
Protein: 22g
Snacks:
Banana: 100
Apple: 50
Blueberries: 100
Total: 250 Calories
Fat: 1g
Protein: 2g
Dinner:
Mexican Salad
Iceberg Lettuce: 0
2 Tbl Olive Oil: 80
1/4 Onion: 5
1/2 Red Pepper: 15
1/4 C Fat Free Cottage Cheese: 50
1/4 C Black Beans: 60
1/4 C Corn: 40
1/2 Avocado: 100
Total: 300 Calories
Fat: 29g (because of the oil & avocado, which are healthy)
Protein: 24g
Intake: 750 Calories, 37g Fat, 48g Protein
I also got a 200 Calorie burn on my elliptical today! Finally got back working out and it feels great. I really wanted a 400 burn but I didn't want to push myself and I have to be careful because I get my heart up to 190 and I think I'm going to pass out. I read that women are supposed to aim for 46g of protein a day so thats what I'm aiming for, as well as limiting my dairy. Grains are a trigger food for me, even pasta now I feel like I'm overeating but we'll see how I do if I can keep up my workouts.
So that actually makes my intake for the day 550, plus I walked to the grocery store and back with bags and before I go to bed I'm going to do an ab workout. I always just do straight sit ups but I think I should find a specific ab sculpting video so that I'm maximizing my efforts. I've got to look hot in my bikini when I'm in the DR!
love always,
loveylou
Here's what today looked like:
Breakfast:
Basil Spinach and Mozzarella Omlette
Basil: 0
Spinach: 20
3/4 C Egg Beaters: 100
1/4 C Part-Skim Mozzarella : 80
Total: 200 Calories
Fat: 7g
Protein: 22g
Snacks:
Banana: 100
Apple: 50
Blueberries: 100
Total: 250 Calories
Fat: 1g
Protein: 2g
Dinner:
Mexican Salad
Iceberg Lettuce: 0
2 Tbl Olive Oil: 80
1/4 Onion: 5
1/2 Red Pepper: 15
1/4 C Fat Free Cottage Cheese: 50
1/4 C Black Beans: 60
1/4 C Corn: 40
1/2 Avocado: 100
Total: 300 Calories
Fat: 29g (because of the oil & avocado, which are healthy)
Protein: 24g
Intake: 750 Calories, 37g Fat, 48g Protein
I also got a 200 Calorie burn on my elliptical today! Finally got back working out and it feels great. I really wanted a 400 burn but I didn't want to push myself and I have to be careful because I get my heart up to 190 and I think I'm going to pass out. I read that women are supposed to aim for 46g of protein a day so thats what I'm aiming for, as well as limiting my dairy. Grains are a trigger food for me, even pasta now I feel like I'm overeating but we'll see how I do if I can keep up my workouts.
So that actually makes my intake for the day 550, plus I walked to the grocery store and back with bags and before I go to bed I'm going to do an ab workout. I always just do straight sit ups but I think I should find a specific ab sculpting video so that I'm maximizing my efforts. I've got to look hot in my bikini when I'm in the DR!
love always,
loveylou
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Triggering Thoughts
There is a lot that has happened that has been triggering that for whatever reason I've kept from this blog. Most likely because I am still so untrusting of everyone around me, and still believe that my sister and friends either read this, or to some degree know what is going on. It's how I've been reacting to things, and it's shown me clear examples of how I use my ED as a coping mechanism.
My mom brings up a topic I don't want to talk about, I stop eating pistachios and put them away.
I eat yogurt with pineapple and nothing else all day, and don't feel like I deserve to eat any dinner because J told made a joke about how I ate 'enough for 2 people' at breakfast.
My sister loses weight and all she talks about is how she's slimming down and everyones noticing and she's getting all this attention, when we both know we've gone about losing weight in very similar ways but she gets glorified because she's been fat her whole life. I eat a salad at dinner and get eyed down for not eating enough, or being different, or causing trouble.
When J asks me why I haven't worn a certain pair of jeans in a while and I have to lie to him because I binged for the last few days and now they won't fit anymore.
It actually really bothers me that I react this way, because it makes me feel out of control. This ed isn't just about controlling calories in, calories out; it's what the calories represent. Only object selected may enter, the rest is kept safely at bay; the way we want all aspects of our lives to be.
I truly believe that I will not get anything I want, or go anywhere I'm supposed to until I am at my goal weight. Reading that, it's irrational and has a 'magical thinking' element but it's engrained into me. It's not something I can explain, it's just a steadfast belief that knows no limits and can't be infinitely proven wrong. "I'll be happy when...." "I'll get there if I first just..." "Once I'm finished this, I can start..." It's all about delayed movement, and putting things off. I run from my problems, and hide when they try and find me. A game of tag, once they catch me, I feel free finally, and have these moments of euphoria where I feel like I can do anything, be anyone and I run vivaciously through life until I get close enough to a problem to feel scared enough to run back. What kind of living is that?
The break I get is from spending time with J. Because with him I am a completely different person. I've often thought I'd be a great actress. I know how to give people what they want. I know what they want even if they don't realize it, and I'm convincing. Because all the while I'm pretending, what I'm really doing is asking myself, 'Is this how I'm supposed to be?' I make myself believe it, too.
My mom brings up a topic I don't want to talk about, I stop eating pistachios and put them away.
I eat yogurt with pineapple and nothing else all day, and don't feel like I deserve to eat any dinner because J told made a joke about how I ate 'enough for 2 people' at breakfast.
My sister loses weight and all she talks about is how she's slimming down and everyones noticing and she's getting all this attention, when we both know we've gone about losing weight in very similar ways but she gets glorified because she's been fat her whole life. I eat a salad at dinner and get eyed down for not eating enough, or being different, or causing trouble.
When J asks me why I haven't worn a certain pair of jeans in a while and I have to lie to him because I binged for the last few days and now they won't fit anymore.
It actually really bothers me that I react this way, because it makes me feel out of control. This ed isn't just about controlling calories in, calories out; it's what the calories represent. Only object selected may enter, the rest is kept safely at bay; the way we want all aspects of our lives to be.
I truly believe that I will not get anything I want, or go anywhere I'm supposed to until I am at my goal weight. Reading that, it's irrational and has a 'magical thinking' element but it's engrained into me. It's not something I can explain, it's just a steadfast belief that knows no limits and can't be infinitely proven wrong. "I'll be happy when...." "I'll get there if I first just..." "Once I'm finished this, I can start..." It's all about delayed movement, and putting things off. I run from my problems, and hide when they try and find me. A game of tag, once they catch me, I feel free finally, and have these moments of euphoria where I feel like I can do anything, be anyone and I run vivaciously through life until I get close enough to a problem to feel scared enough to run back. What kind of living is that?
The break I get is from spending time with J. Because with him I am a completely different person. I've often thought I'd be a great actress. I know how to give people what they want. I know what they want even if they don't realize it, and I'm convincing. Because all the while I'm pretending, what I'm really doing is asking myself, 'Is this how I'm supposed to be?' I make myself believe it, too.
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