Last few days have been okay. Nothing great but all around 800-900. That's easy enough for me to maintain and not feel hungry. Work isn't getting any slower, so I've been having lunch around 2:30 everyday. Things are piling up and I still feel like I haven't caught my breath. Like running 10 miles and then finding out you have a 20 mile bike ride and 25 mile swim in front of you. I don't know how triathlon athletes do it.
Breakfast
3/4C Fat Free Greek Yogurt 100
1/2C Blueberries 40
1 Tbl Chia Seeds 70
210 Cal
5g Fat
20g Protein
2.4K Walk
-100
Snack
Nectarine
50
Lunch
2C Spinach 0
1 Tomato 20
1/10 Red Onion 0
1/4C Feta 70
1/4 Cucumber 0
1 Tbl EVOO 60
1 Tbl Vinegar 5
155 Cal
12g Fat
10g Protein
Snack
Banana
100
Dinner
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1/4 Floret Broccoli 10
1 Tbl EVOO 60
3 Mushrooms 15
2 Tbl Light Parmesan 45
220 Cal
8g Fat
25g Protein
Snack
1C Melon
100
Total
835 Cal
25g Fat
55g Protein
Net
700
I'm never sure how many calories exactly I burn in a day. I'm quite active in the office running around so I'll usually round down to the nearest hundred. I got called 'skinny' today, almost as an insult by my nonno's psycho business partner. Friday we had a good family friend come in who said I was nothing but skin and bones. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Good, but I kinda feel like they are making fun of me in a way. Is that weird? I feel like they're lying.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Monday, September 9, 2013
Getting Worse
So, saturday was such a fucking flop. After breakfast J and I ended up having a heated discussion about how he handles stress and takes it out on me. He spent a long while working on his car and couldn't get it all fixed and it really bothered him. Afterwards I asked for coffee and something to eat before we go out and he got all frustrated because I'm so hard to feed. I ended up having to give in and eat a lentil burger at this burger shack we've tried a few times. Normally I just get a greek salad and dab most of the oil off of it but J wasn't having any of it. He's really started to keep track of my intake, he even asked me ' Do you think I'm stupid or something? I used to body build, I generally know the nutritional info of everything. ' (yeah, me too sweetheart) Anyways, so there was that, which was on a plain toasted WHITE bun (FUCKFUCKFUCK) a huge lentil patty (made in house, organic - no idea how many cals) with salsa, cucumber, bean sprouts, lettuce, tomato, pickle, and banana peppers. THEN we went out for cocktails and drinks and I ordered the marinated tofu skewers and it came out DEEP FRIED.
So yesterday I felt like shit. J and I went to the gym for 2 hours which made me feel better. I burned 400 cals on the elliptical, and then J put me through some weight training routine. He saw how much I burned on the machine and how hard I was going and said, "You haven't even eaten that much today." Now I am so fucking sore. So normally I'd be optimistic about losing some after going to the gym for that long, but in reality with all the food and booze I had over the weekend I'm probably just maintaining at 112. I had probably 1/2 of this gross recovery shake J MADE me drink, and breakfast was 1/2 orange, 1/4C walnuts and a banana. Then we went to my house for dinner with my mom and her boyfriend and I had 1/2C Brown Rice, 1/2 Tofu, sauteed veggies and soy sauce.
So whatever, it is what it is. Todays a new day. Not knowing my numbers is just anxiety-central.
Breakfast
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1 Light Mozzarella Stick 60
1/2C Spinach Basil 0
150 Cal
5g Fat
25g Protein
2.4K Walk
-100
Snack
Apple 50
Lunch
1/2C Brown Rice 150
1/2 Tofu 60
1/2 Floret Broccoli 20
4 Sauteed Mushrooms + Veggies 80
1 Stalk Celery 0
4 Tbl Soy Sauce 40
350 Cal
10g Fat
20g Protein
Dinner
1 Banana 100
2 Scoop Protein 110
3/4C Almond Milk 30
1C Frozen Berries 70
310 Cal
2g Fat
28g Protein
Total
860 Cal
17g Fat
70g Protein
Hopefully this is enough of a 'recovery' day. So I can stretch it all out on the matt tomorrow with fresh muscles and a clear mind. I've got another serving of carbs, high protein and lots of veggies and fruit + fibre. I barely slept last night either, so now I feel even more like shit. Here's hoping I can make it through the day with the evil-bat.
So yesterday I felt like shit. J and I went to the gym for 2 hours which made me feel better. I burned 400 cals on the elliptical, and then J put me through some weight training routine. He saw how much I burned on the machine and how hard I was going and said, "You haven't even eaten that much today." Now I am so fucking sore. So normally I'd be optimistic about losing some after going to the gym for that long, but in reality with all the food and booze I had over the weekend I'm probably just maintaining at 112. I had probably 1/2 of this gross recovery shake J MADE me drink, and breakfast was 1/2 orange, 1/4C walnuts and a banana. Then we went to my house for dinner with my mom and her boyfriend and I had 1/2C Brown Rice, 1/2 Tofu, sauteed veggies and soy sauce.
So whatever, it is what it is. Todays a new day. Not knowing my numbers is just anxiety-central.
Breakfast
3/4C Egg Beaters 90
1 Light Mozzarella Stick 60
1/2C Spinach Basil 0
150 Cal
5g Fat
25g Protein
2.4K Walk
-100
Snack
Apple 50
Lunch
1/2C Brown Rice 150
1/2 Tofu 60
1/2 Floret Broccoli 20
4 Sauteed Mushrooms + Veggies 80
1 Stalk Celery 0
4 Tbl Soy Sauce 40
350 Cal
10g Fat
20g Protein
Dinner
1 Banana 100
2 Scoop Protein 110
3/4C Almond Milk 30
1C Frozen Berries 70
310 Cal
2g Fat
28g Protein
Total
860 Cal
17g Fat
70g Protein
Hopefully this is enough of a 'recovery' day. So I can stretch it all out on the matt tomorrow with fresh muscles and a clear mind. I've got another serving of carbs, high protein and lots of veggies and fruit + fibre. I barely slept last night either, so now I feel even more like shit. Here's hoping I can make it through the day with the evil-bat.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
At J's
I woke up this morning after a bottle if wine to my face to face the scale. 112 pounds. Another new low. So close to 110, but I start to feel like I'm 'deserving' of a binge. As if its some treat I've earned, ugh how gross is that?
Breakfast was
2 egg whites
1 whole egg
1 tsp EVOO
1/8 Onion
1/4C Spinach
3 Tbl Salsa
About 175 Cal
I'm still hungry but there's no food at J's because he's a guy. I really just need some coffee to solve this problem. Luckily I don't feel hungover I drank over the course of 6 hours, starting with a tasting at work.
I'm so so close. This means I've lost 15 lbs in 2.5 months. Just 2 more pounds to go until I've hit my UGW. Anything under 110 is sublime. Id live to see 101 on the scale. Who knows though. Just gotta take things one day at a time.
Love always,
Xoxo
Breakfast was
2 egg whites
1 whole egg
1 tsp EVOO
1/8 Onion
1/4C Spinach
3 Tbl Salsa
About 175 Cal
I'm still hungry but there's no food at J's because he's a guy. I really just need some coffee to solve this problem. Luckily I don't feel hungover I drank over the course of 6 hours, starting with a tasting at work.
I'm so so close. This means I've lost 15 lbs in 2.5 months. Just 2 more pounds to go until I've hit my UGW. Anything under 110 is sublime. Id live to see 101 on the scale. Who knows though. Just gotta take things one day at a time.
Love always,
Xoxo
Friday, September 6, 2013
Sept 5
Breakfast
1/4C Egg Beaters 30
1/2C Egg Beaters (cheese & chive) 70
1/2 WW English Muffin 60
2 Light Laughing Cow Cheese 50
210 Cal
6g Fat
22g Protein
2.4K Walk
-100
1 Light Gatorade
45 Cal
Lunch
2C Spinach 0
1/2 Avocado 100
1/4C Chickpeas 55
1/2 Pepper 5
1/5 Cucumber 0
1/12 Red Onion 0
2 Tbl Light Hummus 40
2 Tbl Vinegar 10
210 Cal
8g Fat
12g Protein
Snack
1/2C Strawberries
50
Dinner
2C Romaine Lettuce 0
1/12 Red Onion 0
.75 Tbl EVOO 60
1/2 Pepper 5
1/4 Black Beans 55
2/3 Fake Ground Veggie Meat 160
1/6 Cucumber 0
1/2C Cherry Tomatoes 30
Cilantro & Green Onion 0
1/4C Corn 35
345 Cal
10g Fat
30g Protein
Total
860 Cal
24g Fat
64g Protein
Net Intake
760 Cal
I woke up this morning with such a nice flat stomach because I was up last night b/ping chocolate and carbs and managed to get rid of my dinner as well. Which was really just tofu and a portobello mushroom but whatever. Back on track today and feeling pretty good. I'm going to make it to 110 soon. I'm going to yoga tomorrow after work which I'm really looking forward to. Plus then I feel better about going to J's and getting naked if I've just worked out and not been a lazy slob.
So much has been going on at work. It's insane. I'm exhausted by the time I come home, but the good thing is that means I'm burning calories right? :) Running around all day, hopped up and moving cases of wine to and from the cantina with my Nonno is definitely excercise.
1/4C Egg Beaters 30
1/2C Egg Beaters (cheese & chive) 70
1/2 WW English Muffin 60
2 Light Laughing Cow Cheese 50
210 Cal
6g Fat
22g Protein
2.4K Walk
-100
1 Light Gatorade
45 Cal
Lunch
2C Spinach 0
1/2 Avocado 100
1/4C Chickpeas 55
1/2 Pepper 5
1/5 Cucumber 0
1/12 Red Onion 0
2 Tbl Light Hummus 40
2 Tbl Vinegar 10
210 Cal
8g Fat
12g Protein
Snack
1/2C Strawberries
50
Dinner
2C Romaine Lettuce 0
1/12 Red Onion 0
.75 Tbl EVOO 60
1/2 Pepper 5
1/4 Black Beans 55
2/3 Fake Ground Veggie Meat 160
1/6 Cucumber 0
1/2C Cherry Tomatoes 30
Cilantro & Green Onion 0
1/4C Corn 35
345 Cal
10g Fat
30g Protein
Total
860 Cal
24g Fat
64g Protein
Net Intake
760 Cal
I woke up this morning with such a nice flat stomach because I was up last night b/ping chocolate and carbs and managed to get rid of my dinner as well. Which was really just tofu and a portobello mushroom but whatever. Back on track today and feeling pretty good. I'm going to make it to 110 soon. I'm going to yoga tomorrow after work which I'm really looking forward to. Plus then I feel better about going to J's and getting naked if I've just worked out and not been a lazy slob.
So much has been going on at work. It's insane. I'm exhausted by the time I come home, but the good thing is that means I'm burning calories right? :) Running around all day, hopped up and moving cases of wine to and from the cantina with my Nonno is definitely excercise.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Sept 3
Today I totalled 660 Cals. I walked to work (2.4k) and am pretty active all day at the office running around, squatting to get files, drinking an espresso or two to keep my energy levels up and my metabolism going. I'm too lazy to type out my daily break down. But my net intake is probably around 500.
I just finished planning tomorrows meals, but today I didn't bother pre-planning. I just mentally tallied up each meal before I made it and kept track as the day went along. Spinach omelette, 2 plums, 1 can of light vegetable minestrone, 1 peach, and veggie stir-fry with brown rice.
Work is getting more and more stressful. I don't want to get too into it but there's pretty much a target on my back because I'm a threat. I'm smart, and I'm in a strong position and I am good at what I do and know how to work in this business. Some shady stuff has been going on, and hopefully I'm dead wrong but that still wouldn't change the circumstances very much.
I feel like I'm on the edge of so many things. Yes things are crazy, and stressful and at times I feel like I can't catch my breath. But I'm excited, and I know big things are coming down the pipeline. All this talk about moving, and where I see myself going career wise, relationship wise, weight wise, all excites me. I'm imagining what my life could be like and it is so vivid. It's giving me direction. But like the typical Doubting Debby that I am, I worry that it will fall apart, or that I'm just getting my hopes up. I'm trying to stay grounded, and maybe this is just my way of coping; by going off into dream land when life gets too tough. But I hope everything comes together just the way I envision it.
I got a blood test on Thursday and it actually looks like I'm pretty good! I showed my mom my results online, after prescreening them of course, so she could help me translate as she used to be a RN, and my thyroid hormones are in the normal range, almost low but still good. All my blood levels are where they should be. The only thing the test flagged was my Iron count, which was no surprise being a vegetarian. So I'll stop by the health foods store this week for some Ferrin, and more of my multi-B vitamins. My mom said this is the healthiest she's ever seen me. I'd like to believe that. But only you guys know the truth.
110....110....110....110 I'll weight myself at J's house on Saturday morning.
I just finished planning tomorrows meals, but today I didn't bother pre-planning. I just mentally tallied up each meal before I made it and kept track as the day went along. Spinach omelette, 2 plums, 1 can of light vegetable minestrone, 1 peach, and veggie stir-fry with brown rice.
Work is getting more and more stressful. I don't want to get too into it but there's pretty much a target on my back because I'm a threat. I'm smart, and I'm in a strong position and I am good at what I do and know how to work in this business. Some shady stuff has been going on, and hopefully I'm dead wrong but that still wouldn't change the circumstances very much.
I feel like I'm on the edge of so many things. Yes things are crazy, and stressful and at times I feel like I can't catch my breath. But I'm excited, and I know big things are coming down the pipeline. All this talk about moving, and where I see myself going career wise, relationship wise, weight wise, all excites me. I'm imagining what my life could be like and it is so vivid. It's giving me direction. But like the typical Doubting Debby that I am, I worry that it will fall apart, or that I'm just getting my hopes up. I'm trying to stay grounded, and maybe this is just my way of coping; by going off into dream land when life gets too tough. But I hope everything comes together just the way I envision it.
I got a blood test on Thursday and it actually looks like I'm pretty good! I showed my mom my results online, after prescreening them of course, so she could help me translate as she used to be a RN, and my thyroid hormones are in the normal range, almost low but still good. All my blood levels are where they should be. The only thing the test flagged was my Iron count, which was no surprise being a vegetarian. So I'll stop by the health foods store this week for some Ferrin, and more of my multi-B vitamins. My mom said this is the healthiest she's ever seen me. I'd like to believe that. But only you guys know the truth.
110....110....110....110 I'll weight myself at J's house on Saturday morning.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Long-Weekend Recap
Well I thought I would do okay this weekend, and for the most part I did. I stayed within my safe foods and tried to eat balanced, though I know I haven't gotten enough protein yet. Mornings I was having a Tim Hortons Breakfast sandwich on multigrain bagel and egg white patty with no meat or cheese, just tomato and lettuce. Lunch was a veggie salad with a few olives from Subway. Dinners were a bit harder... The first night we went out for dinner with J's buddy from University and I got the Organic In-House Made veggie burger and salad. The healthiest thing I could get without meat. Turns out the bun wasn't whole grain (freak out) and after I had a few bites, I checked out the bun and forgot to say dry... the whole thing was drenched in mayo. So I discreetly tried to scrape it off and then move the bun out of the way as I took each bite, so I was only getting the patty. Eventually the thing fell apart and I used a knife and fork to eat the patty, but in total probably ate about 1/4 of the bun and maybe 1Tbl of Mayo.
There was also a lot of drinking involved... And I thought I'd be okay because although alcohol stops your body from processing anything (especially fat) and stores it, my diet hadn't had much fat in it. But I ended up getting pretty drunk the first night and payed for it the next day. In the morning, the hosts girlfriend made raspberry blueberry waffles.... FUCK ME. I had one small one, a little banana and berries on top with no sauce or whip cream which was available... Then J pushed a yogurt to my plate and I knew I needed the protein and it was fat free so I added more banana and had that. We went out on the boat that day and I managed to get away from food saying I was too hungover, and being a vegetarian because all the sandwiches they brought had meat in them. So I basically ate a whole veggie platter, without the dip, to my face. Except for the raw broccoli because that's nasty, so celery and baby carrots. Dinner was going to be steaks... So J and I went to the grocery store to get food for everybody and I got 2 portobello mushrooms which I marinated, an edamame salad and green salad. Then two Jack & Gingers (my weakness) and bed.
This morning I had another Tim Hortons Breakfast Sandwich on whole grain with egg white and no cheese or meat. I was tallying them up at around 350 cal but I couldn't check anywhere because my phone battery was dead so I was mildly freaking out. I just got home now and checked it out online, and the info is limited but the freaking whole grain bagel is 330 cal ALONE! So the whole thing was probably around 375 cal, but still... Lunch I had another salad from subway exactly the same, two orange light gatorades (44 cal each) probaby 1 cup of cashews, and dinner was greek salad from this pub bar we stopped at. Really not sure where I stand right now but I definitely feel like I've gained some. I did love that I was the skinniest girl out of the group, and the girls there were in pretty good shape, not model thin or anything but you know. J kept staring at my ribs and monitoring my food some, encouraging me to eat some, which worries me but he can't force me to do anything.
Tomorrows going to have be a recovery day. I'm dead dog tired after a 24 hours of driving in 3 days and I have to be up for work in 7 hours. Realistically I won't have it in me to go to yoga tomorrow because I already know I'm about to get in shit at work because I lost my brains and forgot to send in this form. It got sent in by someone else, but my Nonno's business partner is PISSED and using every opportunity she gets to make me look stupid. My short term memory has just been fucked lately. I've got way too much on my mind, and doing way too much at once... Things haven't slowed down and while J and I both needed to get out of the city, this trip was just exhausting. Wednesday I'll go to hot core yoga again.
J and I also had a bit of a conversation about moving to this place we went and visited. He can make a lot more money there and the housing costs are insanely cheap, whereas where we live currently they are just astronomical. Absolute dumps for millions of bucks, it's ridiculous. It's giving me a bit of anxiety, just because I don't know exactly how that would all work, with the company I work for, and timing etc. And J and I haven't had any conversations about some 5 year plan or anything, or what our lives together would look like and how we'd make it work. We'll see what happens and I'll have to do some research but it wouldn't be for a few years anyways.
110....110...110... I'm going to get there, just a few more pounds.
There was also a lot of drinking involved... And I thought I'd be okay because although alcohol stops your body from processing anything (especially fat) and stores it, my diet hadn't had much fat in it. But I ended up getting pretty drunk the first night and payed for it the next day. In the morning, the hosts girlfriend made raspberry blueberry waffles.... FUCK ME. I had one small one, a little banana and berries on top with no sauce or whip cream which was available... Then J pushed a yogurt to my plate and I knew I needed the protein and it was fat free so I added more banana and had that. We went out on the boat that day and I managed to get away from food saying I was too hungover, and being a vegetarian because all the sandwiches they brought had meat in them. So I basically ate a whole veggie platter, without the dip, to my face. Except for the raw broccoli because that's nasty, so celery and baby carrots. Dinner was going to be steaks... So J and I went to the grocery store to get food for everybody and I got 2 portobello mushrooms which I marinated, an edamame salad and green salad. Then two Jack & Gingers (my weakness) and bed.
This morning I had another Tim Hortons Breakfast Sandwich on whole grain with egg white and no cheese or meat. I was tallying them up at around 350 cal but I couldn't check anywhere because my phone battery was dead so I was mildly freaking out. I just got home now and checked it out online, and the info is limited but the freaking whole grain bagel is 330 cal ALONE! So the whole thing was probably around 375 cal, but still... Lunch I had another salad from subway exactly the same, two orange light gatorades (44 cal each) probaby 1 cup of cashews, and dinner was greek salad from this pub bar we stopped at. Really not sure where I stand right now but I definitely feel like I've gained some. I did love that I was the skinniest girl out of the group, and the girls there were in pretty good shape, not model thin or anything but you know. J kept staring at my ribs and monitoring my food some, encouraging me to eat some, which worries me but he can't force me to do anything.
Tomorrows going to have be a recovery day. I'm dead dog tired after a 24 hours of driving in 3 days and I have to be up for work in 7 hours. Realistically I won't have it in me to go to yoga tomorrow because I already know I'm about to get in shit at work because I lost my brains and forgot to send in this form. It got sent in by someone else, but my Nonno's business partner is PISSED and using every opportunity she gets to make me look stupid. My short term memory has just been fucked lately. I've got way too much on my mind, and doing way too much at once... Things haven't slowed down and while J and I both needed to get out of the city, this trip was just exhausting. Wednesday I'll go to hot core yoga again.
J and I also had a bit of a conversation about moving to this place we went and visited. He can make a lot more money there and the housing costs are insanely cheap, whereas where we live currently they are just astronomical. Absolute dumps for millions of bucks, it's ridiculous. It's giving me a bit of anxiety, just because I don't know exactly how that would all work, with the company I work for, and timing etc. And J and I haven't had any conversations about some 5 year plan or anything, or what our lives together would look like and how we'd make it work. We'll see what happens and I'll have to do some research but it wouldn't be for a few years anyways.
110....110...110... I'm going to get there, just a few more pounds.
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