Hopefully Future Memories

So I've just spent the afternoon binging and purging 4-5 times.. it's been disgusting so I'm writing all of the scenarios I have in my head of what will happen and what I will be doin once I'm back home and thin.

I'm at Cath's pool, running around the deck in a bikini looking shockingly thin. We're drunk and laughing and everyone is the happiest they have ever been. All my girlfriends are there. There are trays of fruit and food on the patio table. I pick only at the celery and carrots. Someone says that I "would be the only girl to go to ITALY and come back thinner than when she left, how is that possible?" and I will smile and know that all of this was worth it.

I'm walking down Marine drive, past my old restaurant, in Andrew and I's old neighbourhood. I'm with Chloe, and we're screaming and giggling and falling over eachother. Neither of us gives a flying shit whose watching or annoyed, we're just like this when we're together. Across the street I see Andrew. He's standing still staring. The look of resentment, shock, worry, and nostalgia on his face. We make eye contact, and I'm smiling. I walk away before anything else can happen.

I'm walking to the field at the beach where me and my friends always spend our summer days. I've packed diet coke and cigarettes in my bag. I look stunning in my European attire, everyone else looking stupidly 'american' in simple shorts and cheap beaters. I strip my shirt off and quickly realise I'm the skinniest in the group. I smile. I lay out my towel, making a bit of a show of elongating my body for anyone who is watching. I lie on my stomach and watch the way I settle into myself, creating a hollow circle inbetween my hip bones. I'm smiling and laughing and goofing off. Not having a care in the world.

I'm in our usual Sunday club, everyone who's anyone is there. I'm wearing a tight tiny tank top that shows my stomach just in the slightest. I see my old coworkers, who are my old friends. They are surprised to see me. I can't tell if it's fake or real but I know that I look stick thin and if that will be the only thin they will be able to say about me behind my back. I love this. They come towards me with open arms and when we hug they tell me how they can feel all the bones in my back. I laugh it off and tell them that it's all the pasta and pizza. They give me a small look of concern but lust over takes the mens eyes instead.