Barcelona & Bikinis

Hola Amicas!! I'm baaaaack skinny bitches!! Spain was awesome!! 

I'd like to give a warm welcome to my new followers! Peace & Love is being sent your way through cyber space :)

I've got lots to tell and on my mind. So quick, take a bathroom break before we dive into anything. 

First of all, let me just say that this vacation was meant to be a lie-on-the-beach-and-do-fucking-NOTHING! type of vacation. First day I get there... its raining. Not like downpour or anything but enough to be a bit of a downer. Deffs not beachy. I ended up meeting 3 other guys who were staying in my hostel from Italy as well, Verona (city of Romeo and Juliet!) so I was able to continue practicing my italian, pluuuss one of them used to live in Barcelona and since yours truly knows ha-nothing about the culture our sights of the city, twas quite handy meeting some *yummy* italian *doctors* to show me around :) 

(picture I took of the streets in Barcelona)

I saw a lot of Gaudi archictecture which was spectacular! (see photos below!) I felt like I was at the bottom of the Ocean with the Little Mermaid looking at these underwater castles. We also did a ton of walking so I'm hoping that burned a lot of calories. Thursday I was really good, I only had coffee and tea until about 10 pm when after I had been with the boys all day long they started to get a little shifty and I picked at dinner. Luckily, the Spaniards are big on TAPAS - appetizers that you would order for the table and eat together. So I had a bit of salad with salmon and bread with tomatoes. I did try the Backalla though to feel cultured. Friday I stuck to mainly just fruits (even though apparently there was some big ecoli outbreak in London which spread to Spain? oops!) and then found a Subway ( I know ) and ate nothing else. Yesterday I broke down a bit. I felt really guilty for not trying any of the spanish food there. I got calamari and fries with eggs? weird. It was gross, frozen then deep fried shit, nothing fresh. Purged it up. 

Today so far I've had a fruit salad for breakfast (watermelon mostly, with some pineapple) and a small plain salad topped with tuna 1 cherry tomato and 1 slice of red pepper. Then I made my delicious soup and have been having that throughout the day now that I'm home. 

It feels weird saying that 'I'm coming Home' when I mean Rome. Technically it is my home. My second home? Current home? Residence? What's the proper term here... I'm not sure. But it's good to be back. Im sporting quite the tan with slight pinkness under my eyes. Even though yesterday was the only BEACH weather I still got a lot of colour. God bless my Italian skin (only damn good thing my father ever gave me) and it's ability to tan. 

Bikini-ness was hard. I'm starting to get the shape of body I want, but it's nowhere near thin. I can see my waist getting smaller but that just makes the curve of my hips look bigger. And I've always had problems with big hips. (think old italian women who are pear shaped.. I have nightmares of becoming that) So now I'm HARSH restricting until Greece next week. I'm a sucker for greek food and it's going to be hard to keep things in check. But I'm hoping the daily reminder of wearing a bikini will help me. I'm not worthy to eat these foods. 

On the homefront of dramaland, I reached out to Andrew. Here is/was my problem with this. Him and I know eachother INSIDE and OUT. I know exactly what to say and act to move past this, but I wasn't sure that this was the right way to go about it. Both him and I hate confrontation. I am a huge procrastinator and can ignore the shit out of a problem until someone throws it back in my face and makes me stare at it. We both know eachothers flaws and faults, mannerisms etc. I know that if I was to message him with some sappy letter about how I've missed him and written about him and cried over him, it would get me nowhere. (Why is it always that when you put your heart out on the line it always just bites you back in the ass before leaping down your throat?)

But if I was to message him with a lighthearted joke and pretend that nothing ever happened, just as if things were back to normal..well maybe he'd play along.

He did.

I can sense he's hesitant, he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. His walls are up-way up. And I haven't had the heart to tell him that I'm moving across the country in September yet. I'm going to feel like shit if he lets his walls come down and we get back to a good place, a place where we were and I announce my moving yet again and it tears open this new wound. But it's also very ostenatious of me to just drop a bomb like this after we JUST started talking again. It seems like I'm ending things before they are even starting. Further yet assuming that he still gives a flying fuck. (which I know he does but he would have no problem pretending not to to save face) 

We've only spoken breifly a few times. He knows I'm coming home, he doenst know the exact date. He rarely would ask questions back of me, inquiring as to how I am or what I've been doing. The time he does I get overjoyed. God damn how deep I am into this mess...

Weirdly enough! Andrew's very good friend Sophie had recently posted on his wall something or other about Barcelona. ( I know this through shamelessly creeping him since he just re-added me back as a friend on facebook ) However I was unable to message her do to her privacy settings so I kindly asked Andrew to to so for me. He did but it seemed unnecessary by that point because that night I randomly went to a small bar with some people from my hostel, and low and behold who was outside! Sophie! It was crazy because I've heard her name hundreds of times, we know all of the same people, have over 150 friends in common, been to the same parties, knew who eachother was, though never introduced. So for her to just be there made the world seem just that much smaller! 

We got along instantly, went skinny dipping in the Mediterranean Ocean at 6 am, danced in the streets of Barcelona in the rain. It was soo much fun. I felt like I'd known her for years, and it was awesome to have someone to talk to about back home when we are this far away from it. 

This encounter gave me something new to talk about with Andrew, and so now that the ball is really going to start rolling *fingers crossed* with us talking again, I need to make sure that I'm super thin for when I come back home.

It used to just be the possibility and randomness of running into him and being thin, now there's no way I wouldnt be seeing him and I have to step my game up. Greece will give me some good colour, and I plan on doing a lot of hiking and walking around as well. Plus swimming!! Just takes some dedication and I'm so close I can't loose it all now. I can't loose it all now.

Really hoping I've dipped into the low 130's possibly even high 120's by now... if I was 133 lbs last weekend that means I should be 130 lbs to be on target with my weightloss.

Replies:

Cinnamon Brown: Thanks for the sites!! I'm trying to check them out now as I write this but my internet is being quite unco-operative. Astronomy/ Magic has always been absolutely fascinating to me, for some reason I've never dipped into learning more about it, but now I definately want to! 

This new diet you're embarking on sounds promising! I know you can do it, you've got control now, you can make yourself into anything you want! Totally know what you mean about now putting on weight evenly, my hips or horrible. I hate them. I know most of it is me over reacting, but i feel like they are so overly porportionate for my body, my face has lost a lot of weight, same with arms/shoulders, plus a bit allover, but my hips still seem to jut out. I hate it.

Hahahaha! Love the foot stomping, I'm picturing the redhead character from "Wedding Crashers" holding her breathe and stomping her feet with her fingers in her ears when her dad won't let the 2 guys come to their cottage. hahahahaha

I would definately love to chat! Throw me your e-mail so we can get more dailogue/support going!!! :) Plus we're on the same time zone so this is awesome! haha

Think thin girl!!!! xoxo Thanks for listening

Thin or Not: I definately agree with you, visualizing is a great way to achieve your goals. It's funny because I've always heard that, and I've always had a vivid imagination but I've never literally been able to visualize them. What it would look like, what I would be doing, what it would feel like; until it came to loosing weight. What sort of things do you visualize for yourself? Sometimes I even draw photos of dresses I want and what I want my body to look like in them. haha.

Gianni: Thanks for signing in! I appreciate your support! It's always nice to get compliments on your blog :)  Definately understand what you are saying 100%! I feel like if the worst people can say about me is 'shes so skinny' or 'she's a skinny bitch' then it doesnt even matter what insult is even being tried to be directed at me. Skinny people get away with anything (though if/when I get there I plan on using my super powers for good, not evil :P ) and people are always envious. It's the world we live in and I feel like even if isnt fair or right we have to play and learn the rules.

Stay strong and think thin girl!! I just checked out your blog.. jealous of your boobs!! Mine have started shrinking and I'm barely filling out a B cup, though I would imagine that maybe you'd like yours to shrink a bit if they are giving you back problems.. plus running around after 2 kids all days with a bad back is definately not so good. Take care of yourself! *massageeee* 

Love.Love.Love

Love, Always

Ana's Angel

xo