Well, I reached out to Andrew. (ex from back home) Just said a simple 'hey' on skype. Nothing. I feel like I'm going to puke. And while most people would instinctively reach for a drink or cigarette all I want is to feel empty and hungry, that's my drug of choice. But I'm trying to stick to the SGD, it's hard to reach their target calorie intake, even on the 400 hundred days, I don't even know what I'm going to eat on the 700 or 600 calorie days.
I miss him, so much. I avoid those feelings like I avoid food. If all I feel is hungry and empty and hollow, I can't feel sad. I shove these other emotions down my throat into my heart so there is no space left for heart break. I know I am going to see him this summer and it makes me physically sick to think that we would just walk by eachother as if nothing even existed between us.
But then on the other hand I cannot wait to be surrounded by the people that have known me my entire life. That love me, and can laugh at the stupid shit I do and can act like a kid with me. I want summer in my city so soo bad. I miss all my friends so much.
Sorry guys, I don't know why today I'm such an emotional wreckage. Just want to cry at the slightest little thing, maybe I'm pmsing... great.
SGD is going well so far, I think. Like I said, having a hard time reaching the target intake but I'm trying. Also I pulled both muscles in my calfs so I cannot walk... at all. They were really sore 2 days ago after I jogged on the spot for 20 minutes (pathetic right?) but then I excercised again yesterday when I took Jacopo to the park and I woke up this morning unable to move them at all. If I have to get around I have to waddle like a penguin with my toes pointing outwards. YAY for Gymps!!!
Hope everyone out there is feeling lovely!!
Think thin
Love Always,
Ana's Angel
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