Drink, Drank, Dr-a-unkk!

Hello my lovelies, how are we all doing today? Hope everyone is having a wonderful day spent with Ana!

I'd like to start off today's post with some words of support, because this community is all about helping eachother through our darkest moments, and not shying away from the gory details, to still be there for one another. So here's me saying "Hello! I love you all, and will be here if anyone would like to talk or need to talk or wants to give a shoutout! Furthermore, I'd like to encourage every other person out there to reach out to someone today. Whether that be someone you know or not, is never hurts!

That being sad, my updates are alll over the map! Last night I went out drinking with Angela which put me in a bit of a bad mood at the beginning of the night. I'd gotten very used to my habits and calorie intake and I didn't like the idea of drinking empty calories and spending money but nonetheless I went. She has been seeing this guy, Salvatore (sooo italian right?) and she wanted me to meet his friend... yes one of those nights, you guys know what I'm talking about?

So after the awkward introductions, the double cheek kiss and many drinks consumed the night started to get better. His friend's name is Marco, cute hipster type... but too attainable for my taste. He was a bit too all over me, no chase, no thrill.

I called up my friend Francesco (who I may or may not have a secret crush on as you will learn as you read) and he met us at one of our typical bars in this area called 'Campo di Fiori' (Place of the flowers: place of mass historical executions, hence all the flowers) Anyways! Francesco was pretty drunk, which was hilarious to see because he neverrrr gets like that, I'm always the one making a fool of myself infront of him. He wasn't sloppy or anything, just loosey goosey! He was keeping his arms around my after we hugged and taking my hands in his and looking deep in my eyes as I tried to convince him to stay with us but he refused to 5th wheel it..fair enough. BUT we ended up kissiing a bunch!!!

This is good because: I have had a kindergarten crush on the kid since we met, he's super cute, a good guy, and has on numerous occasions taken care of me in many different scenarios and ways and has always been a gentleman.

This is bad because: The bar we were kissing at is where is roomate, Zach, works... Zach and I hooked up one night. Does Francesco know this? Noo idea! Zach also refused to clue me into the fact that he had a girlfriend at the time! Who is crazy! And friends with all my friends! And have met several times!! *stupid stupid stupid*

Also, Marco was less than 2 feet away and had been buying my drinks all night... only slightly rude right? If he saw he sure didn't act like it, if anything after Francesco went home Marco seemed more into me. Just goes to show how a little competition goes a long way. 

I left the night early to return home where I went straight to the kitchen. I had some meat with a tiny bit of stale bread. Normally this would send me into a panic but I have been doing pretty well I think with my calorie intake that even considering the food I ate I still managed to keep my day around 400 cals I would say. (plus booze)

So today I'm doing a liquid fast to kick myself in the but and give me a bit of a high! Water, diet coke, sprite zero, coffee and tea. Then I'll go out tonight but not drink. It will be hard but I know it will be worth it. 

I want to get myself a beautiful red bracelet. Technically, medically haveyouwhatnot I spose I don't meet the criteria to be a diagnosed 'anorexic' (yet!) but I really like this idea. I like the thought of having one of my darkest secrets so out in the open, but still mine. It's like I'm telling the world everything but I'm speaking another language. It's right there, but they don't understand. Plus I think having it right there will remind me when I'm tempted to eat of who I am meant to be, who Ana will turn me into. A beautiful thin skinny girl. 

Also booking a trip for Greece in exactly 25 days...major bikini time. I'm picturing myself lying out on a rock, cliffside looking at the beautiful blue Adriatic water getting a wicked tan and being THIN!

Random Thought: if smiling uses 32 muscles, it must burn calories! So keep that smile on your beautiful faces :)

Stay Strong & Think Thin

Love Always,

Ana's Angel

xo