Weekend Fun

Last night was so much fun guys!! I'm so glad I decided to get out and not be a party pooper lol. The Hoe-Down was done up in style, with hay bales set up all over the house, and saddles with props and empty picture frames for a photobooth, and a tattoo wheel that chose what body part you had to get a fake tattoo on, trivia games, horse betting and more! Tina did an amazing job setting it all up. Me and my friends tended bar, which I was happy to do given my experience. It made me really miss working at a bar it was so much fun.

I did give in and drink in the end. I stuck with tequila, considering it was the theme of the night, one of my favourite shots, and I know it acts as a laxative and will just flush everything out of me. Like it has already done this morning. Yesterday all I ate was my protein shake 225 cal,  a salad with cherry tomatoes, cucumber, red pepper and parmesan cheese 150 cal, and 1/2 cup of fat free cottage cheese with hot sauce and half a red pepper, 100 cal - but I couldn't finish all the cottage cheese, ate a little more than half but if I include the whole thing that makes my net intake 475 cal!!! Even with 7 shots of tequila in me I stayed strong and didn't eat a thing. My mom, who is best friends with Tina's mom, did come by and push pretty hard to get me to eat a piece of bread with some cheese. I declined and said I'd grab something later. She gave my friend G, Tina's boyfriend, kinda shifty eyes when I declined, and it just adds to my paranoia that everyone knows the jig is up. That my friends and family are aware of my ED but instead of confronting me to fight it, they are simply trying to live within the scope of it and try their best to support and encourage me to eat. I notice small things like when I'm making food my mom will talk non stop to try and distract me from what I'm doing, and she usually insists that I sit down to eat even though I prefer to stand and mull about in the kitchen, and while I'm eating her and my sister make a habit of complimenting me, either on how creative my dish is and how I'm a great cook, or that my hair looks really nice or something, nothing body related... Nothing I can do about it but ignore it.

Today I'm going to visit my Nonna (grandma) who got out of the hospital a few weeks ago and I have yet to see for the last few months. Then I'm going to J's house until monday evening. My plan is to have some scrambled eggs with light laughing cow cheese and onion 175 cal and then make my protein shake 225 cal to take with me to my grandparents and have that before I get to J's. Then I've prepared a quinoa dinner for J and I with tomatoes, cucumber, and baked tofu in a tarragon lemon zest sauce thats very low cal (less than 200 Cal per serving) And that will be all.

Love Always,

xoxo