I'm still sick with the flu, the fact that I'm barely eating probably isn't helping much. Ryan and I have been texting non stop for days now, but he ditched me today, saying he was too busy. That's the second time now, plus how his girlfriend snatched my number away from him.. it just seems like a sign that I'm supposed to stay away... Even though I'm not doing anything wrong, I feel guilty as hell, and I know that the more time I spend with Ryan, the further I put my relationship with J in jeopardy and that scares me.
Last night J came and picked me up to get some tea and chat. It was nice spending time together but it's hard when you don't see each other all week and then get 45 minutes without kissing or holding hands nothing. We hugged a lot when we said good bye but now I just miss him more. I feel more lonely and I think that's partly why I've been so engaged with Ryan.
I haven't been able to eat much.. yesterday I didn't make the scrambled eggs at all, just had some yogurt and broccoli soup instead which is still low cal but I could have used the protein. This morning I made a blackberry banana smoothie 300 cals but only drank 3/4 of it, and just now I've made a veggie frittata and I could have eaten the entire thing at 200 Cals but I ate almost half of it and flushed the rest down the toilet because I didn't need it. So that makes my total for today around 300 Cals. But I can't for sure say what the rest of my intake fat and protein wise has been since I haven't finished a 'meal' yet. I should probably have a little something later on for nourishment. Nothing sounds good and it's so tempting to not eat a thing...
im sorry you dont get to see j more often he does care about u tho
ReplyDeleteryan has a gf how do u know hes not done this before as in having affairs etc?
if anything was to happen between u and him and u two got together say would you trust him not to talk to other women?
id say make ur mind up who what u want saves u pain in the long run
xx
You're definitely right love, I would never cheat on J or leave J for Ryan... it's totally just in my head and my excuse is that with all the marriage talk and baby talk and setting down talk coming at me from J and my friends and parents, it's been a nice escape to play pretend and enjoy the attention from Ryan.
ReplyDeleteGreat point about the affairs, it did cross my mind but honestly, that's all on him. I don't intend to cheat on my boyfriend, I've stated that multiple times to Ryan, I've told him J is the love of my life and nothing will happen between us but we can be friends. He said thats all he wanted because the future is never promised and neither of us knows what might happen tomorrow or next week but he enjoys talking to me and so do i.
I know it's not perfect, and if I was to tell J every word he's said to me, I'm sure that'd make him a bit uncomfortable... but I do know what I want, and It's J :)
love always,
xoxo
i feel u girl<3 stay strong!
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