125

125 with a BMI of 20.4 and all I can think about is getting down to 120. God how glorious life would be at 120... Today I've booked myself a facial which I'm really looking forward to, I've got to leave for it pretty soon actually. Tomorrow is the big party and I want to look my absolute best. Today will be dedicated to pampering. Unfortunately, that again, puts off my work out for a few more days. Unless I find the will to wake up early and do some quick cardio tomorrow morning, get my blood pumping for  a glowing complexion and upbeat energy, yes I think I will try.

Last night after all my food (- 1/2 protein shake I tried to save for later but ended up icky) I got stoned and toasted edamame beans in olive oil and sea salt, and also ate a few thin slices of cheddar cheese. I fucking suck. Guess that's why I'm up a few ounces from yesterday, just what a piece of shit like me deserves. Already today I've had oatmeal with blueberries, yogurt and almonds so 285calories. I'm feeling like a failure. I wasn't planning on the almonds or yogurt but it is what it is. To make up for it I'm not going to eat lunch. Dinner will be baked tofu (120) with broccoli (40)  shiritaki noodles (40) carrot (35) snap peas (30) in garlic soy sauce. That will make my total today 600 Calories. That will be it, I deserve to feel hungry. I'm running low on pot so a starving high coupled with a caffeine overload is the best I can do.

Tomorrow at the party we will be having a sit down dinner with all of J's bosses. The dinner is a preset menu and being a vegetarian, J chose the only dinner without meat: a fucking mediterranean pasta dish. The restaurant is small and not a chain so I can't find any nutritional information, I'm praying it's not in some sort of a cream sauce so I can eat around the pasta and just have the veggies. It's giving me serious anxiety.

love you all,

xoxo