Yesterday I made a salad with lettuce, yellow and red pepper, cucumber and a tofu chick'n patty for a total of 150 Cal, 4g Fat, 13g Protein because I needed some protein and added veggies to fill me up so a salad seemed like a fair option. Today I have no plan. I want to make my protein smoothie but we've only got a banana and no berries or other fruit really to put in it. I put orange juice in it once and it tasted like an Orange julius.. but that's at 120 Cal per cup and is way to high. I'm already letting myself have sips of oj when I need to take my pills or cough syrup and not really counting them. Instead I've put cinnamon (metabolism booster) and a bit of nutmeg with my almond milk and a very ripe banana + protein powder and it is absolutely delicious, tastes like banana pie, and only 225 Cal.
Tonight I'm going to my best friend Tina's mother's 50th birthday party which is a Hoe-Down, and I'm going back and forth in my head about going or not. I am feeling well enough to go, I just don't know how long I'll last. I finally got a good nights sleep last night, and slept through the entire night without waking up once. Which is the first time that's happened in almost a year. I had a few spoon-fulls of cough syrup, 2 night time cold pills and I hit the bong a few times so that makes sense. But it worked. I'm still exhausted but I feel human again. My cold has gone from suppressed to phlegmy over night though. I feel bad because I was supposed to help Tina set up, I already made a 5 hour long playlist for the evening since I'm the only once in our circle really who listens to country music, but I just don't have the energy and I'd rather go to enjoy the party. I'm excited to see her and a few of my other girlfriends who will be coming, but these large crowds make my anxiety grow... There's going to be so much food there and so much booze... obviously I can't drink and the flu I've got will make for a great excuse to get out of eating.. I just worry that when people see how skinny I have gotten now they will try and feed me and the fact that I have the flu will just give momentum to that. "You need nourishment to fight off your infection, here eat this fat fat fat!" Ugh. But I will stay strong.
If I can keep this up, I'm hoping to be at 126 tomorrow, thats a 0.4 loss which could definitely be real, and then if I go to J's for the weekend till Monday then I'm hoping I can be around 122 by Tuesday. When I'm with J, I barely eat. He only really eats 2 meals a day but they are always either fast food or something calorie-drenched. So it's only 2 occasions I need to get out of eating, one of each daily meals at least I will cook, so I can control that, most of the time I actually prepare all of our meals but we will go out once or twice and being vegetarian usually limits my options so I stick to just veggies. I need to make sure to keep my protein content high enough when I'm with him though, but it's hard because he's more of a steak n potatoes kinda guy so my only options are really nuts or cheese. Both high in fat, neither a good option. I'll usually have some almonds if I'm desperate, at least it's healthy fats but still. I need some good things I can bring to his place that I can have on me for protein.. any suggestions? If I don't get enough protein then when I come home from the weekend and hit the bong for the first time in days, I can't control myself. I gorge out and it usually starts a binge fest, which lasts for days with me. I can never just stop at one binge. I keep going and going I hate it. I purge most of it up so I don't put on immediate weight, just stretch my stomach out all gross and flabby.. so I think I can get away with eating more, stupid stupid girl. No more of that.
Next weekend is J's company's christmas party and I want to look particularly skinny for that! I want his coworkers to tell him how hot his girlfriend is the next day at work. I want them to pat him on the back and give him a wink and tell him he's a lucky guy and kiss the back of my hand. Oh I get chills just thinking about it! Still not entirely sure what I should wear, but when I decide I'll be sure to post pictures of myself in it as progress pics!
love always,
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment