Well yesterday definitely didn't go as planned.. but it's almost 7pm and I haven't eaten a damn thing. Despite baking 4 batches of christmas cookies, 1 even baked a healthy vegan batch with raisons and nuts but I did not eat a thing. I burnt my finger pulling out a double chocolate chunk cookie from the sheet and licked it instinctively but spat out the chocolate like reflex, into the sink. I was allowed to eat 1 thing today: I decided on mashed cauliflower. I wanted something savory and warm to enjoy. I spent 45 minutes making and waiting for it to be ready to puree in the blender, only half way through the blender breaks. Electric beaters won't work and there's nothing else in my house to use... I know it's silly to be this upset over a vegetable but I was looking forward to it for so long, and I can't make anything similar because they all require the blender...
I'm so hungry...I feel acid reflux creeping up my esophagus, no number of glasses of water help. I'm so nervous about this interview tomorrow, the dress I'm wearing is skin tight. While I know, no matter what my weight is I will never feel comfortable in clothes like that, I just hope I can seem confident enough to belong there.
It's going to be hard to see J this weekend, friday night is a Christmas party at a friends home that I'll be attending solo, and saturday evening is a girls night out since a bunch of people are home for the holidays. Sunday I'm going over to my very best friend's house, Jordan, for Brunch... Hopefully J has Monday off so we can at least see each other. I know he won't be happy if I do get this job though so the little bit of space is a slight blessing...
Ahh... That's so disappointing when we finally do allow ourselves to eat something and we can't. I'm sorry darling...
ReplyDeleteThat thing you mentioned? About the acid reflux? What is that? I've never heard of it before and the other day -I hadn't eaten in 5 days- and suddenly I was gagging and I couldn't tell why because I didn't eat anything so what could be coming up... Lol. I was a little worried :p
Please take care darling. I'm sure the interview will go fine <3
-Emma
Tell me about it! It's so frustrating, I would just looove to be able to go 5 days without food, my longest fasting on water and diet coke was 4 days and I loved it. Might be time for another fast soon, too bad these parties are all in the way!
DeleteThe acid reflux thing, I know exactly what you're talking about, but I'm not a doctor and can't tell you exactly what it is. Acid Reflux is when stomach bile creeps its way up your esophagus, it feels like heart burn, or if you are starving, like hot molten fire and lava churning inside you.. its fun, no? All you're feeling is stomach bile, usually water helps, especially post purging to reverse the flow. My best guess is because you are fasting, whenever you put ANYTHING into your stomach, your body hopes its food and then sends a surplus of bile/acid to help break it down. But of alas, silly body, there is no food! So where does the bile go? It churns around in your tummy and can creep up your throat. Also try chewable calcium tablets (like Tums) they have like 2cals per tab and work instantly. Calcium will neutralize the acid, plus we need all the calcium we can get to help our poor brittle bones. We want them to stand out prominently, not break and crumble!! Obviously avoid acidic food to help as well, aka most fruits. It's best to get it under control because when stomach acid and bile starts to eat away at your stomach lining, you get an ulcer. And those are bad bad news and a huge red flag for a Doc and a bit of a Bulimia indicator.
Hope this helps! The interview did go well :) The bartender kept bumping me down the list so he could chat me up and flirt, which was a great confidence booster ;) I ended up being the last one, so hopefully I'm fresh in their minds!!
Love always,
xoxo