Its the most beautiful time of the year

My Christmas started off with a trip to the hospital, for my sister who has gallstones at 18 years old. Our big brunch was cancelled, which suited me just fine, but being left alone all day on Christmas kinda sucked. My mom did get this awesome machine called yonanas that turns frozen bananas + fruit into ice cream!! Seriously just straight fruit, and it tastes SO good. Check it out Here. I also got lots of shopping money which entitles me to some much needed retail therapy after last nights antics...

My uncle just decided that he wasn't going to exchange gifts with neither my sister nor I, though never mentioned this to us. So though we spent over $100 on his gift, we got nothing in return. He gave my dad the box of lightbulbs they fought over during the week, and his mom dove soap and toothbrush replacement heads, with a few vitamins that my grandfather pays him for anyways. And it's not as if the man is not well off, he is in fact quite wealthy but a cheap bastard non the less. My dad's young girlfriends parents joined us as well, so not only were we put under pressure to 'play nice'; her parents were the biggest suck ups! Her dad actually said at the table that his favourite thing that's green is obviously money... I spent the entire dinner serving everyone, I didn't eat a single thing, because surprise surprise, they all forgot I was a vegetarian, again, despite being a vegetarian for a year and a half now and mentioning it every damn time we eat, and every time they ask me why I'm not eating anything. When I tell them why, my grandmother nearly bursts into tears from guilt, which is all just a show, so that I console her into convincing the table that I'm fine, and it doesn't matter. Even though getting forgotten about by my own family is devastating enough. But this meant that I didn't eat a thing, I had a few glasses of wine because lord knows I needed it. Then made a weight watchers pita with tempeh, lettuce and 1/4 tomato (300) and went straight to bed.

I ordered my dress yesterday for NYE, this is what it looks like! All of the smalls were gone, so I ordered an XS which is my current motivation for not binging. The size chart said XS = bust: 31-32" waist: 23-24" hips: 33-34" A small would fit me perfectly right now but I'd feel amazing if I could fit into the XS. It's clearly form fitting which makes me feel.. on display, I guess is the best way to put it. I'm getting more and more nervous about this night, J keeps bring it up and taunting me with it. I'm dying to know. 2 more days until we exchange gifts which will hopefully give me some insight.

So in order to fit into this dress, I'm trying to eat around 500 a day or less, 70-80% from a source of protein, and lots of veggies. I'm trying to be more active during my day rather than work out. My legs don't touch, even when my knees are together there's this slice of air in the middle that makes me so happy. I've been getting quite a few compliments about my ass, which does slightly make me more confident but the attention really bothers me. I don't want anyone to say anything. But I want to lose weight to look great. It's the silent appreciation, the quiet judging jealous eyes, that's what I'm after.













love always,
loveylou