Stripper

Back to 125!! HALLELUJAH! I felt so fucking fat and bloated from my period while I was at J's. I hated myself. Especially when he coaxed me into trying on a new bra-let lingerie after we had just eaten, that was a little bit too small, but I refused to buy a size up because then it wouldn't fit when I lost weight. But I pushed all my anxieties aside and we had a great weekend together. He was so attentive and chivalrous; made me wonder what had gotten into him! Not that he isn't fantastic all the time, but this weekend he was especially kind and wonderful!

It felt a bit redundant because earlier in the week, I bought a new red teddy and matching thong to surprise J with! I've decided to use my dancing background to it's full advantage here, and put on a strip tease for my man!! I'll choreograph the routine myself and then surprise him when he comes home from work. Practicing the routine will be great excercise, and I'm going to have to look smoking sexy so that will keep me away from binging. It's the ultimate test for me though, because in order to pull it off I have to be completely confident, and in control, while dancing half naked and trying to not worry about my jiggling thighs or how my tummy looks. 

Here are a couple songs I'm thinking about using:

"Right Here" - Justin Beiber ft Drake

"Skin" - Rihanna

"Oh La La" - Goldfrapp

"I fell in love with a boy" - Joss Stone

If anyone has any idea's I'd greatly appreciate it! I want something with a strong sexy rhythm, thats a bit on the slower sensual side. I'm leaning towards Skin by Rihanna. I really hope I can pull this off, and blow his mind! If I'm brave I'll take progress pictures before this event.

Last night I got into the double chocolate almond fudge ice cream, I purged it immediately and some of my dinner was there which I was trying to keep down but it was pasta w/ peppers and mushrooms in a pesto milk cheese sauce. I made the whole thing from scratch so I knew exactly what was in it, but I got too caught up with trying to make it taste good for J to impress him, rather than keeping it low cal. I only had about 1 cup, and most of that was veggies and I know that 1 1/2 cups of that pasta is 310 cals (whole wheat) so I totalled the entire meal (w/ side green beans) at 400 cal, and the rest of my day had been 400 cal so 800 isn't horrifying. Today I'll do better. I want to work out but I'm scared because I can really notice when I'm working out if I've purged recently or not, my heart will start to throb and it jumps and skips... Maybe I'll just do some ab workouts instead

love always,

loveylou