3:41 AM

The phone buzzes at me, interrupting my dance of toss, turn, roll. I don't know what time it is, just that I should be sleeping. Again, my phone vibrates on my night stand.

It's Andrew.

I answer, thinking it's a dream. I don't need to be standing near him to know theres vodka on his breath, and loneliness in his heart. I don't need to worry, because I know by now that he won't remember any of this. I know he's sad, he's saddest when he tries hardest to seem happy. It's when he can't try anymore, that he calls me. Because I know.

He says hello and it embraces me. He tells me he has been drinking, I say I know. He asks me if I ever wonder, and I say don't. He tells me he's lost, but I know exactly what street he is on. I know what he's trying to say.

A year ago he would have shown up at my door step, no phone call necessary, and claimed a spot in my bed. He would have held me tightly to his heart. Its funny, I can only remember a few times we've ever kissed. The night I returned from Italy, being one of them.

A year ago, my new years resolution was to never look back. I chose not to ask Andrew about anything left in our past, putting ghosts and demons back in their coffins. Even though the mystery was killing me.
I can never know the truth now.

After he hangs up, I gently place my phone next to my pillow on my bed. The place he used to lie, the place that is now J's. I look at it and wonder if this is real. It lights up again and I grab it quick.
"I have never stopped loving you"

Or did I dream the ending?

love always,
loveylou