115 Purge-Over

I did it, I finally made it to my goal weight guys. 115 lbs. I weighed myself at J's house, after we had a big breakfast and before a BM and I was 115 on the nose. I was happy, and proud, and joyful.... but the moment is fleeting. Because I know in my heart that it's still not enough. Anything under 115 is an underweight BMI for me. That's where I want to be. 110 is where I want to be now, 110 it's an obsession. One's and Zero's how beautiful. Nothing but number one. Maybe once I reach that goal I'll want to be 101 lbs. Could I even get there?

I look at myself now, and I can see myself as smaller, as a whole with my clothes on. When I take them off and isolate my body parts they morph into pure fat. My thighs, my ass, my saddlebags, my under arms, all of it. Yesterday J told me he could tell that I've lost weight. I didn't tell him how much. But the last time I properly weighed myself on that same scale was 6 weeks ago and I was 125. I lost 10lbs in a month and a half. It seems like a long ass time, doesn't it?

So what did I do to celebrate? Oh, I made a cheese pizza of course! Hand made crust, with 4 different cheese spread to crust. Purged it back up as soon as I was done. I also spent all day today binging and purging on all sorts of things. It's left me with A purge-over. The feeling of a purging hangover lol.

I need to put an end to this now, and get myself back on track. Being at this 115 mark makes me feel like I'm at a cross roads. The tipping scale between underweight and average. Do I maintain or keep diving under? I want to go lower. 110 is where I want to be next.

Next weekend is a long weekend here, so J and I are going on a 14 hour road trip to another city, to stay with his best friend/cousin who lives on a lake. I need to keep my numbers down so I can look decent in a bikini, and atone for any sort of gain that might occur over that time period.