It's 1 pm in Rome and Im sipping my coke zero trying to make a plan for today. Usually my routine is every night in bed I plan out what I am allowed to eat the next day. So long as I follow the plan everything is okay, under control, and safe. But lately my head has been a basketcase. (probably from not eating, but fuck it!) My thoughts kept circling around me as if I could reach out and touch one..taste it.. what flavour would it be?
Anyways, I decided for breakfast I could have 4 scrambled egg whites (88 cals) for lunch I would have my pea soup (70 cals) a coke zero in the afternoon and dinner was undecided. But after I ate my egg whites I felt so sick, and I was looking after the baby so I decided to eat a kiwi (46 cals). Then I thought it was too early for me to eat my soup because I like to spread my eating all throughout the day so I would have my coke zero now and eat my soup in the afternoon to Elisa could watch me eat something, since I've skipped dinner the last 4 nights. She hasnt said anything, I dont know if she suspects but she knows I'm sick.. hm. Now my whole day is fucked up and I dont know how to fix it. It's hard because I dont really have any asy in what goes in the fridge. So I just have to make do with what we have. Bummer.
I started reading "WASTED" again by Marya Hornbacher. It's a great way to keep your mind off food, and your mind on Ana. It's really interesting I would highly recommend it to any other Pro-Ana's out there! (who have yet to hit me up with any comments or mail BTW!!! I won't bite!)
Do you guys have any tricks to keep busy? Activities or rituals you have to do before you eat?
Stay Strong & Think Thin
Love Always,
Anas Angel xo
I also plan out everything the night before, but it's so frustrating / panic-inducing if life gets in the way and throws you a curve ball.
ReplyDeleteSorry - totally late to this party, I know, but still.... I don't know if you're still reading comments etc.