The System

Wake up whenever
Decide what I am allowed to eat for the entire day: ration, measure, calculate and organize every calorie, protein and fiber content, including one meal with a serving of whole grains to be eaten post workout for recovery. Recovery meal should have highest protein content for the day. Every meal must include a protein and a vegetable. Include healthy fats but in moderation and never more than once in a day or to be eaten two days in a row. Include one fruit. I am allowed fat free yogurt as an extra snack if it is necessary. Olive oil is allowed once-twice a day in a half a cap full ration.
Only use olive oil in salad dressing if tomatoes are in salad to increase lycopene absorption which aids in the break down of fats.
Healthy fats come from 1/2 an avocado which can be put on a salad or mixed for a dip with 5 melba toast (100cals) on cardio days or with celery sticks on non cardio days.
Calories can never add up to more than 1050 per day. With a 400cal cardio burn, giving a net calorie intake of around 400-600cals.
I can not eat anything until I have a proper breakfast, which is some variation of eggs. every.single.day.
No real eggs, only eat 'egg creations' (a fat free egg substitute) if not available then 3eggwhites+1 whole egg.
Decide the times I am allowed to eat. Plan at least a 3-4 hour window in between each meal.
Before I start cooking, pop 2 hydroxycut max.
Before eating, blaze; then eat breakfast relaxed.
While eating, take my multivitamin, calcium supplement, Vit B6++ & Adrenal gland support pills.
Work out on elliptical 1.5-2 hours after eating breakfast. Burn 400cals in about 45 minutes on the 'weight loss' target option, varying degrees of incline.
Blaze a toke or two before working out, helps time go by faster and zone out and get lost in happy thoughts.
Check time I finish exercising, and time myself within a 45 minute window to eat lunch. (only time I may consume a grain, if the day is a 'recovery' then no carbs will be consumed)
Check time when I finish eating; ensure that there is a long enough period of time before I had decided to eat dinner; adjust and post-pone if necessary.
Usually around 7 o clock I start cooking dinner, take 2 hydroxycut max. It must include a protein and be comprised mostly of vegetables. Usually either a salad or a stir-fry of some kind. Fruit can be for dessert.
Take adrenal gland support pill after eating.
No eating after 9 o clock.
Drink at least 3 (goal 4 or 5) full 650ml water bottles.

I eat spinach every single day, either wilted in an omlette or stir-fry or in a salad.

I try not to eat the same veggies more than once in a day.

I will try an add onion/garlic to anything I can to add bulk to my food.

I try and include one meal with chopped spicy red pepper for capsicum to boost my metabolism. Best to consume with breakfast (chopped into eggs) to kick start metabolism for the day. Also encourages a bowel movement.

Ensure at least one bowel movement a day. Examine excrement (just in the bowl) to try and determine what has exited my body and calculate how long my body takes to process what I am eating.

Each meal cannot exceed 300 calories.

I try and eat as little processed food as possible, only raw natural foods that I cook. The exception being soy products that are high in protein. (like chick'n cutlets or fake chick'n strips)

No meat or fish. (I've been a vegetarian for over a year now)

Only 2 cheese rations per day, like with eggs or topped in a salad.

Do situps/ab workout at some point during the day. Change time of day throughout the week.
I am allowed 1, maybe 2 diet sodas a day only.
Cardio workouts should occur on a 2 on 1 off schedule.
Ab workout should occur on a 3 on 1 off schedule, cardio and strength training 'off' or 'recovery' days cannot be on the same day.
Stretch at least twice a day, when I wake up and before sleeping.

This is my detailed schedule that I've stuck to the last week. I feel fantastic. Some mornings I wake up and feel like just getting really stoned and binging on pasta and yam fries and mashed potatoes but I don't feel deprived because I am including pasta/rice (whole grain only) into my diet. Because I can only eat them on the days I work out, I feel like I am earning the right to eat them. Because I am planning out my meals at the beginning of the day, I get excited about what I get to include, and generally enjoy cooking my meals. It also helps to not decide what to eat when I am really hungry, because I believe that I let my hunger get in the way of my diet. It gets me through my workout when I know that then I get to eat a delicious meal that will make me satisfied. It doesn't take much to make me feel full anymore, and my shift into a higher protein diet makes me perfectly full. The high I get from my workout, coupled with the caffeine rush of diet pills and the encouragement of a few bong hoots replaces the high I craved with starvation. Anytime I have doubts or feel like giving up I do sit ups and the endorphins immediately boost my mood and I'm back in the game.The fat content coming from healthy vegetable fats, or soy products keeps my mind clear so I can actually have complete thoughts; rather than the fleeting half depressed and confused thoughts that occured when I would fast. I don't miss the high from fasting, because I feel in control. I feel like I have a plan, I decide when and what I can eat to optimize my goals. Me, myself and I.

This is how I am ensuring that my metabolism doesn't get fucked over. And I am strong enough to excercise and build lean muscle. What I was noticing was that when I wasn't eating any carbs what so ever (starch/breads at all) was that was all I would end up binging on really. I would gain weight very quickly, but also take it off quicker than usual when I could get my act together and end a week long binge series. I wasn't eating enough protein so what I think was happening with my quick weight gain/off was the muscle being repaired that had been damaged from a too-low protein diet. When your body digests starchs or carbs, the break down releases a hormone that helps you relax. When my sister was diagnosed with severe sleep-apnea, her doctor told her that one possible contribution to her weight gain could be the fact that when your body does not receive enough sleep, your brain signals to your body to eat more and more carbohydrates as they are a direct source of energy. Reversely, when you do not eat enough carbohydrates it can make falling asleep and staying asleep harder. My allowance of grains and working out gives me a sound body and mind to sleep better. I still blaze before bed every night to make falling asleep quicker because I just can't be left alone with no distractions from my thoughts for too long. I get lost.

I still hear Ana in the back of my mind, every single fucking time I eat my recovery meal telling me that I don't really need all that food. I don't need the rice, or the pasta or the fat free cottage cheese. Sometimes I will trade in items on a last minute decision basis (usually toppings on a salad) to slash my calorie intake but as long as my protein content in the meal is high enough (aiming for 15g+) then it's alright. Because I am seeing results in the mirror, I can calm her down with evidence that this is working. But she tells me how much faster I would loose the weight if I just skipped a meal here, or threw the rest of that meal away, or save it for later. Sometimes I believe her, and sometimes I will put my fork down if I feel full. Even if I know I haven't eaten enough yet. But if I'm not hungry then why eat? In the mornings it takes me a longer and longer time to feel hungry. But I make sure that I always go to bed hungry so I know and I tell myself that I just need to eat something to start to feel hungry. This is one of the hardest parts of my day, to convince myself that I need to eat when my body doesn't tell me to, so that my body can start to tell me when to eat (getting hungry) It makes me feel backwards. Sometimes I'll do 100-150 situps to get myself a little hungry and wanting to eat. Which again makes me feel backwards, 'why would I want to make myself hungry?' but 'it's excercise, which is good for you anyways so why not do the sit ups?'

That's the constant battle in my head, back and forth, second guessing every decision I make, deeming them necessary or unnecessary and attempting to deserve what I've allowed myself to have.

Any thoughts or suggestions?? What are your regimens that make you feel in control?