Let the Good Times Roll

On Sunday, J surprised me with an impromptu trip across the border to a beautiful little city getaway. It was absolutely wonderful. We stayed in a hotel right in the downtown core, walked along the board walk, checked out the sites and for a while I got to feel just like any other girl. I felt like I deserved to hold his hand and walk through the streets like any other person. I felt freedom to choose, to choose happiness and love and him. Everything about the trip was wonderful. The spontaneity of it all, we just picked up and kept driving, it was lovely. I opened up to him about my dad in the middle of the night, and he held me, and I cried, and he begged me to talk to him, to tell him what was going on, not to shut him out, that I can tell him anything and to trust him. I was so nervous I didn't want him to think of me as broken, but I knew it might help him a great deal in understanding me and I hope that's what it did. He is so amazing, I am so thankful I've found him finally.

Eating has been minimal, especially on a trip. You would think, limited options, oh good what will she do? Just not eat. That's always my answer. The last 2 nights have been mini-binges though, but I still saw 124.6 lbs on the scale. I want lower. Now. I purged everything I could last night, expelling most of my mistakes but there are 2 baked potatoes with a lot of butter, sour cream, and feta cheese still in me. It hurt so much to digest I sat on the toilet writhing in pain last night and this morning, it was awful. So now I'm going to work out on the arc-trainer for a while before I go and try and get me a job!

I'm the happiest I can ever remember myself being. It is absolutely gorgeous outside which I love, my friends are all home, I have a wonderful boyfriend. If only I can bring myself to open that letter from university...

love always,

xoxo